#1
I pounded on sealed cardboard crates until they swallowed my arm
Forget vision! Forget love!
This tragic appeal is proof from above!
I wrapped our story in brittle oily wax
And cornered curiosity to make me forget.
Swimming fastest until the moon is no more
**** the future! Tonight is love!
We burned out before King Sea Shore.
Lagoons sputtered with conceit.
Underwater, I?ll never forget the salty taste of defeat.
I stamped my cards into the songs you liked.
Cracked jokes like eggshells, full of charming wit.
The summer heat blew all my plans to ****.
I torched my last and launched my lipids towards the sea
?No ones ever been happier than me!?

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated, leave links pl0x.
There is no place else to go
The theater is closed
#2
Very well im not sure exactly its very interesting and I believe I like the idea. Im not sure exactly what its about but I like that. It's good to read things that you can put your own story so to speak to. Not just hey it has this one meaning and thats it. It has variety and is very well written good job.
"The tragic partake of this torment, convincing myself again. This god that I worship, this demon I blame, conspire as one exactly the same it's exactly the same." Lamb of God
#3
The variation of rhyme is interesting, but it became slightly annoying by the end, for me.
The imagery definitely created a nasty tone, and the swearing did seem to fit in quite well.
#4
Thanks guys.

to CJW: I heard that US lost to Ghana so they're out? :O
There is no place else to go
The theater is closed