#1
This is a poem i think.... i wrote this with so much feeling that i just had to
see if it was any good, any and all critique is welcome. Thanks


Roslin


The way the rain falls, softly against your face
could inspire a whirl wind romance, that could last decades within me
The memories of this are almost unbareable,
They tear away at every inch of my heart, Just begging for me to relive them
These are near about too much for me, as i stop to catch my breath.

I must keep my focus, as not to forget a moment of that day
a single image flashes before my eyes, Beautiful Brown eyes that i owe nothing
but still they take my breath away, all this emotion, just from your image,
what passion we've created

This justifies your awe striking beauty, to which i bare witness without a single complaint
Our memories are beautiful, and i thank God that you were conceived,
Or right now these beautiful memories, would just be a dream,
darling please take this to heart, because from me, your memories never will depart
#2
Very cliche my friend but still very well written. It seems that you have talent. I prefer more abstract writing but I can recognize talent. I think you wrote well you didnt use many metaphors and you were really straight forward but I guess thats how songs about girls are supposed to be.
"The tragic partake of this torment, convincing myself again. This god that I worship, this demon I blame, conspire as one exactly the same it's exactly the same." Lamb of God