#1
This is the 2nd song i ever wrote and first time posting here. My first song was crap so im not goin to post it. Please don't be too harsh on me and try to help me out.

Concaved
Growing up is hard enough
The things that you make us do keeps on piling on us
No one else can feel for me
You killed what was left of my life
and turned it into a reality strife.....

The condemnation of my soul
was caused none other then by you
You have carved a monster out of me
I have become a minitature pooh
I wish there was some way to sue
to gain back what was mine
but not even all the money in the world
could even pay for my lost mural'd

No matter how hard i try
there is always something that will make me cry
Even when you think it was over
You somehow manage to come back and hit us on the shoulders
knocking me down to the ground
as you claim your throne and crown
You're still able to somehow rule with an iron fist
while our eyes at night burn to a red crisp

How am i able to stop this almighty god
i did what was asked
i have given him several sacrifices
but it seems as tho it wasn't closesest
If you look at my archive,
it was emptied like a katrina rain pour
it just makes me wanna roar
at how you still got a strong grip on me
when i barely have anything left
#2
Well the whole thing is packed with Forced rhyming.... and the use of

"I have become a minitature pooh"

makes it almost comical

but just work on it and it doesnt have to rhyme to be a song

its a good start
#3
ehhh ill fix the forced rhymying as for the minitature pooh it has meaning to it haha well almost everything in my song represents something. thanks tho