#1
i had to edit this because i finished the song and this is what changed


i painted you a sunset, a picturesque scene
but you wore a shield, guarded your heart from me
and any pain you would feel
this song is our sunset, and the lights are getting low
the memories are fading into such a perfect ending
not even you could screw this one up

you never learned to trust me
ohh why cant you see

you were a lost cause before this started
i picked you up broken hearted
and tried to mend what i could
but not even pieces patched together
would do you any good
your just a lost cause

sometimes i need to learn to bite the bullet
your a hopeless case and i should have knew it
your broken past repair, tore yourself apart
you dont even see, theres nothing in your heart

you never learned to trust me
ohh why cant you see

you were a lost cause before this started
i picked you up broken hearted
and tried to mend what i could
but not even pieces patched together
would do you any good
your just a lost cause

i was never enough to satisfy you
but now i know what i have to do
so here is this bullet, take it
aim that barrel and pull it
severe the remaining ties from me
Last edited by pollins1989 at Jun 29, 2006,
#2
well, no-one could crit last night cos the forums were down... neways:

It seems good, I like the flow (except the first verse)... 5 lines in a stanza... I like it.

It's a very generic subject, but you pull it off well... 8/10

I'd probably like the first stanza better if I knew how it was sung.

crit 4 crit?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=383649
#3
I'm no expert but I like this, it makes me think of a previous realationship I had and I think its important that a song makes you feel something. I'd have to hear it sang to give a proper opinion but from the lyrics it sounds good.

I think the title 'Bite the Bullet' would do the job, but like I say I'm no expert.
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I was there for SD's cocksucking forum, August 15th, 2006.
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#5
Quote by Deliriumbassist
don't change it to Bite the Bullet:P tis one of my fave Machinehead songs ever:P


oops didnt realise that was already a song title

Maybe 'next time' would be better
Member of The Darkness fanclub
I was there for SD's cocksucking forum, August 15th, 2006.
The Cas Fast Foundation - pm draken to join and support cas on his 30 food free days.
#8
well i have the song just about complete, i mean i have all the guitar done for it (its an acoustic song) and i just have to record it.. so when i get some stuff to record the song with ill send it to u if yah want i mean im only 16 but my friend has stuff to record wit so it shouldnt take that long
#10
i thought it was pretty well done, it pulls off that bitter tone really good. I agree with the poster above that said Next Time might be a better title, or maybe next time i'll know
#11
It was good, I felt that I could listen to it in kinda a Angels and airwaves type song... thats not an insult :P
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#12
I'm not so sure about the last verse. That one seems out of place to me from the rest of the lyrics. I really like the chorus!

Good Job!