#1
I hope no one is offended by this piece about a specific religious group... I can't wait until the database is back in order... here is the piece.

Spewing fallacies from your vermilion, chapped lips,
I don?t care much for your barber and his flawed concepts,
Quit forcing your fabricated fairy tales upon me,
Throw your dogma in the ashen; I don?t care anymore

Have you accepted?
Accepted?
Accepted?
Accepted Christ?

I understand why you are here,
Now you must understand why you have to leave?
I don?t believe your silly fibbers,
Now get off my doorstep, you ignorant fuck?

Do you believe?
Believe in?
Believe in?
Believe in Christ?

Your invisible religious facades,
Designed to cover up the facts,
Your barber is not a visionary,
He is just a false hope?
#2
Quote by DanteR*
I hope no one is offended by this piece about a specific religious group... I can't wait until the database is back in order... here is the piece.

Spewing fallacies from your vermilion, chapped lips,
I don?t care much for your barber and his flawed concepts,
Quit forcing your fabricated fairy tales upon me,
Throw your dogma in the ashen; I don?t care anymore

Hmm the second line... take out much it doesnt flow well and just isnt much of a good line but if you take out much it works a lot better. 3rd line is great.

Have you accepted?
Accepted?
Accepted?
Accepted Christ?

I understand why you are here,
Now you must understand why you have to leave?
I don?t believe your silly fibbers,
Now get off my doorstep, you ignorant fuck?

first two lines are horrible and pointless and i know you can do better then that. last line is bad too though the 3rd is alright.

Do you believe?
Believe in?
Believe in?
Believe in Christ?

Your invisible religious facades,
Designed to cover up the facts,
Your barber is not a visionary,
He is just a false hope?


The last stanzas pretty good. anyways this was alright though im a christian and i despise people that feel the need to express their beliefs while trying to deter other people. But i suppose, im guilty of that as well i just thought it was a little... biased. Anyways it was written alright some bad lines, needs some work.

-Mike