#1
Hey guys, some of you Aussies would've heard of the little girl in perth who got raped and murdered in a shopping centre this week. Well, me and a friend wrote this song for her. R.I.P.

Heres a link to the story, for those interested - Click Here

Please Crit, and leave a link for your song - i will crit back.

Thanks heaps guys.

Verse 1.

A simple trip,
To the shopping mall,
Turned to Sh it,
As she began to fall.

She was having fun,
But now, no more,
Look what you've done,
you closed the door.

Chorus.

Her voice is silent,
She is not breathing,
Because of your voilence,
We are all greiving,
You cannot give back,
What you took from us,
In her eyes, and in your heart,
Theres nothing but black.

Verse 2.

She was a joy we all had,
Something we can't replace,
Just because you got mad,
You bruised and battered her face.

Who cares, the motive?
Its all over and done.
There is no alternative,
Now you cannot run.

Chorus.

Her world is silent,
There is no breathing,
Because of your violence,
We're stuck greiving.
You'll never give back,
Whats been taken from us,
In her eyes, in your soul,
Theres nothing but black.

Interlude.

We can't turn back time,
And bring her back to us,
We may never find,
The truth about why you did this.

Chorus.

Her world is silent,
There is no breathing,
Because of your violence,
We're stuck greiving.
You'll never give back,
Whats been taken from us,
In her eyes, in your soul,
Theres nothing but black.
No, There's nothing but black.
#2
It's a nice thing that you did that for her. I like the song but the chorus sounds more like a verse to me. NIce hob though, Gonna do any music for it?
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#3
Theres definately some kinks that need to be worked out, but eventually i'd love to put music to it, and have my friend sing it.
#5
i think it's good too, and since its dedicated i love it. Great work any song dedicated is uber cool to me and yeah the chorus seems a little iffy tho lol. Crit mine if got the time. Good work.
Songs working on :

Nitelife