#1
Well I dont think I've ever wrote or seen a song like this. I Didnt really relize it untill the end that, It's just a kid to lazy to get up and try to make something happen that he see's in the wonderful world of television.

We all grow up on Tv
Absorbing all the things we see
We watch boy whos got a plan
Who plays a song with his band
Showing how he truely felt
While a girls heart melts...

I wish, I Could
Just have someone to sing to
Someone, just anyone at all
I wish, I Could
Just have someone to sing to
I wanna feel something new

The camera pans in on their face
As they close a warm embrace
That'll never happen to me
I guess its just not meant to be
But I can think about what I see
When my eyes are glued to my Tv

I wish, I Could
Just have someone to sing to
Someone, just anyone at all
I wish, I Could
Just have someone to sing to
I wanna feel something new

I wish, I Could
Just have someone to sing to
Someone, just anyone at all
I wish, I Could
Just have someone to sing to
I wanna feel something new
Gear
Custom Fender Strat
Oscar Schmidt Acoustic
VK 112
Epi VJ
EHX Holy Grail
Ibanez DE7 Delay
Modded Tubescreamer TS7 -> TS-808
Strat Knockoff
#2
well i like it and its original.. theres nothing really to fix in this song at all, i just think u need to either add another verse or expand the ones u have now ? idk but its missing something at least it feels like that too me . sorry if this really doesnt help . if you get a chance could u crit my song , next time ill know to bite the bullet . thanks keep up the good work
#3
Thanks for your wordsm Your crit is done
I do crit for crit if anyones interested
Gear
Custom Fender Strat
Oscar Schmidt Acoustic
VK 112
Epi VJ
EHX Holy Grail
Ibanez DE7 Delay
Modded Tubescreamer TS7 -> TS-808
Strat Knockoff
#4
Quote by Flyingwhitey182
Well I dont think I've ever wrote or seen a song like this. I Didnt really relize it untill the end that, It's just a kid to lazy to get up and try to make something happen that he see's in the wonderful world of television.

We all grow up on Tv
Absorbing all the things we see
We watch boy whos got a plan
Who plays a song with his band
that breaks the metre a bit, maybe try "playing songs"
Showing how he truely felt
While a girls heart melts...
make the girl more personal, it shouldn't be a random girl

I wish, I Could
clichée, but it kinda works here
Just have someone to sing to
Someone, just anyone at all
these lines are pretty good, a little bit john-mayerish
I wish, I Could
Just have someone to sing to
I wanna feel something new

The camera pans in on their face
As they close a warm embrace
That'll never happen to me
I guess its just not meant to be
But I can think about what I see
When my eyes are glued to my Tv
maybe find a third rhyme for the last two lines

I wish, I Could
Just have someone to sing to
Someone, just anyone at all
I wish, I Could
Just have someone to sing to
I wanna feel something new

bridge?

I wish, I Could
Just have someone to sing to
Someone, just anyone at all
I wish, I Could
Just have someone to sing to
I wanna feel something new



overall: a nice poem (nice lyrics), the way you tell a story reminds me a little bit of john mayer or dave matthews. you could try to encode the message a little more and think of a more complicated rhyme scheme, i guess some kind of embracing rhyme would go well with the desire that is expressed.

if you got time, crit mine: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=385202 thx
- When I was your age Pluto was still a Planet. - anonymous