#1
Innocence Has It?s Evil Side

Verse 1
Like meeting a stranger in the park
I wasn?t sure what to make of this
With the look of innocence
A smile worth giving a chance
I was sure to have been
Making the right choice
Only to soon find out
That even innocence has its evil side

Chorus
I can smell your lies in the air
I can taste your poisoned lips of lust
I can see straight through
Those pretty green eyes
And read your list of excuses
So what the hell was I thinking
Why did I fall for another lost cause
Not wanting to try and make things work
I give you my final waste of breath
This is my goodbye (Goodbye)

Verse 2
Watching those hypocritical smiles
Shine another lie
Seeing our trust
Slowly fade
I gave it all I had
I guess it just wasn?t enough
So I?ll take what?s left of this
And bury it with the rest
Of my worthless time spent
#2
I thought the chorus was the strongest part, but the verses were good too. Given the topic matter, it could have been cliched, but i didn't think that it was at all. Overall, good lyrics. Oh, and the title is cool. If you have time, could you crit one of mine? I have Contradictive Dictions and Two Different Types, either one would be cool. here are the links


https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=384639
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=384663
#3
Verse 1
Like meeting a stranger in the park
I wasn?t sure what to make of this
With the look of innocence
A smile worth giving a chance
I was sure to have been
Making the right choice
Only to soon find out
That even innocence has its evil side
This isnt bad. Its simple. In the fourth line, it doesnt seem to read right. Maybe its just me, but if I wrote it, I would have added on the word "to" at the end of the line to ease the flow. Now, you never really allude to the situation that the character in the piece is into. This, in a way, is both good and bad. Good because it makes the reader/listener continue with the piece. But bad because you leave a very-open ended question. Why does innocence have the evil side? You dont really give the situation to tie the question to, as the "right choice" could apply to so many things. You know what I mean? Other than that, its not to shabby.

Chorus
I can smell your lies in the air
I can taste your poisoned lips of lust
I can see straight through
Those pretty green eyes
And read your list of excuses
So what the hell was I thinking
Why did I fall for another lost cause
Not wanting to try and make things work
I give you my final waste of breath
This is my goodbye (Goodbye)
Seems kind of long for a chorus, but I agree, this is your strongest part. Perhaps you should consider changing this into a verse, and then creating a new shorter chorus with the same idea

Verse 2
Watching those hypocritical smiles
Shine another lie
Seeing our trust
Slowly fade
I gave it all I had
I guess it just wasn?t enough
So I?ll take what?s left of this
And bury it with the rest
Of my worthless time spent
You see, this is why your chorus should be a verse. Now that I read it completely, you should perhaps change your first verse into a chorus and the chorus into the first verse. This way, the reader/listener (if you turn this into song) will know what is going on somewhat. But this verse isnt too bad either, it is shorter (in line length) but in the end, it definitely seems like you could add something more. Perhaps answer the question of why innocence has the evil side, because it still kind of goes unanswered.
Can You Fill In The Blanks?
#4
thanks for the advice im working on the edited version right now and should have it up at the end of the night. anyone else with any ideas?
#5
well i know there is more than 2 people who have read this song and had some type of comment about it so hit me up with ideas while im working on the new version of it