#1
Crit 4 Crit of course, don't mind the rhyme scheme if it seems to wonder a little .

?The Hour In Which the Clock Has Not the Strength to Strike Twelve.?
Frustration and fear tangle and ignite;
Like a bitter Molotov cocktail,
Angrily lighting up the night.
Falling frantically, its violent poetry,
Touching silence to the ashes;
Like a ghostly reverie.
?Never mind the nevermore,?
Said misery to its company;
Hatred is a gentle whore,
Blinded by her, they?ll see.
Dealing death, she gives new life
To her seven simple sins;
Wrath will steal breath away,
And thus Sloth does begin.
Lust and Greed, both friends of man,
Whisper temptation in his ear;
But man is weak and will give in,
Until with nothing he will stand.
Envy turns with sickened green,
The jealous, wicked hell;
Gluttony picks a strong will clean,
And Pride still smiles well.
Last edited by Alpha&Omega at Jun 29, 2006,
#4
Quote by StevieRamone
Thats the name of a Rancid song.


Quote by moomoocons
And a Lamb Of God song...


^^Neither of which inspired this piece...however, I changed the title to something less obvious and cliche. Thanks for the heads up.
#5
Well, I guess you have to change the title of the song, seeing as how two bands have already taken it. How about you call it "Whisper Temptation"? I enjoyed reading it because I thought it was written well and the subject matter was great as well. I could see this as being a darker acoustic song with just an acoustic guitar and the singer with heavy reverb.

Crit mine please

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