#1
Mr. Nothing/Mrs. Something ? Zero

Mr. Nothing?
What is in your head?

Mr. Nothing?
Without you I dread

Mr. Nothing?
Where are you?

Your life scenes seem so tragic
Fooling with magic
Will you ever come back?

Mrs. Something?
Come away from that ledge

Mrs. Something?
Drop the knives from your hands

Mrs. Something
Where are you?

{Solo: electric guitar, moderate distortion, mid-high pitched}

Ohhhh? Mr. Charming
Where is your head?

Mr. Charming?
With you I only dread

Ohhhh? Mr. Nothing
Don?t give up just yet
The end is not yet near

Mrs. Something?
Don?t live to fast
Don?t leave just yet

For all I have and everything I have never known
For all the love I never met
My world is done?

Mr. Nothing?
Mr. Nothing?
Mr. Nothing?
Mr. Nothing?
Where are you?
#4
I think the difficulty is in the lack of substance. It seems to revolve around: "Mr....where are you..." and it doesn't go anywhere, the song is static. Make it move and maybe we'll see the emotion/ point behind it. If there is no point to the song, then you shouldn't write it at all.

I'm sure it can be done better.
"You can never quarantine the past."
#6
alright. Btw i didnt base it on Mr. Crowley. It is based on an idea one of my friends came 2 me wit and just basically had this idea of a dead guy leaving his death note sorta. I'll discontinue tht one. Thanks for the thrashin, that is how i know wht to keep and wht to throw
#7
the original concept of it. Was sorta a ballad type thing. But it was in a transfer of lifestyle wit me a very violent one. Cuz at the time i was becoming soft and all. But lyk the song was finished when i became hardcore again on guitar. And it just didnt work out but some ppl lyked it. I didnt personally, i just wanted to see what others thought