#1
so yeah i just wanna know what you all think im new to the whole righting songs thing but at least i tried just to let you know i wrote this several months ago in 15 minutes so bash me if you want just give me your opinion


this dark depression
our mal perfections
kill our relationship
so do the craziest thoughts
and could I depend on
you and I to stay together forever
to never say never
but to say I love you
and that I'll always trust you

and now it's over
our mal perfections
everything's perfect
but for the worse
thoughts that erase this
I'll never replace these
memories
but I can't depend on
you and I to stay together forever
to never say never
but to say I love you
and that I'll trust you

but I know that this won't happen again
you think were better off as friends
we won't be happy again
because of this mal perfection
#2
for a a new writer, its really good!

watch the rhyming sometimes it sounds a bit forced.
and in the last part:
"but I know that this won't happen again
you think were better off as friends
we won't be happy again
because of this mal perfection"


don't use "again" twice:p

really good job my friend
#3
Quote by mr.Krinkle

don't use "again" twice:p

really good job my friend


I disagree with that, i think It emphasise's how many times it's happened or how fed up the person in question is, its a common writing technique.

Personally these aren't my type of songs, but this was quite good, like Mr Krinkles said just watch the rhyming and your syllables, even the most experienced writers have trouble with this sometimes

this dark depression
our mal perfections


I liked this line, and i liked how you repeated Mal Perfections in each stanza, i don't know if you meant it but you've used quite a few techniques lol.

Anyway nice work
#4
Quote by Cpt.Jackass
I disagree with that, i think It emphasise's how many times it's happened or how fed up the person in question is, its a common writing technique.

Personally these aren't my type of songs, but this was quite good, like Mr Krinkles said just watch the rhyming and your syllables, even the most experienced writers have trouble with this sometimes


I liked this line, and i liked how you repeated Mal Perfections in each stanza, i don't know if you meant it but you've used quite a few techniques lol.

Anyway nice work



yeah the whole "again" part was all on purpose, pretty much saying that the good things won't happen again and i repeated "mal perfections" because the bad things just repeat themselves. i was inspired by a friends blog, a crappy morning, and a play called "breaking up is hard to do", everything just unfolded. that day was perfect.