well, its been forever since i posted on here.
so heres a new one
what y'all think???

As we go on,
this path worn down by time,
our kind warps most sacred words
traditions abandon and left behind.
Manifest my thoughts
to form this faulty halo in my mind.
For false hopes of being something more,
and acid dreams that make one blind.

yet I found what I?m looking for:
through the dark it came to me,
calling my name out loud,
this internal state of grace.

Obstructions overturned,
internal strife we overcome.
A stoic way to live out lives,
simply waiting to come undone.
Yet you appear,
and make everything seem ok.
So I?ll march on
yet again, for another day.

Yet I found what I?m looking for:
now I?m sure times on and on.
Inside all, I?ve come to know
this internal state of Grace.

A body inflames
their mind decays
yet your smile
makes it all seem okay
*this is not a bump*

No, that is a bump. Don't do it again

To me, this piece kind of seemed a bit randomised, a bit choppy, stop/start sort of thing. One reason woul dbe that I don't think it flows extremely well, there's some shorter lines spread in it that seem to slow it down. I also think that the transition between stanzas isn't great, which I think also contributed to the not-so-great-flow.

Other than that, I thought it was an alright piece, keep it going.