#1
Hi, this is my first lyrical sort of post. It's very strange and it's nowhere near some of the stuff on here which is really amazing stuff. This is based on real events that happened to me. Its about the despair I experienced when suffering from a second bout of mass muscle death in my leg. For those of you who don't know bout muscle death, you need vicodin to handle the pain. Painkillers don't come much stronger than this. All true. Its in strange form, and not finished, its a bit disjointed a few parts to add. I'll post em when I get them. Advice on how I can rearrange it and get the sense better etc greatly appreciate thnx alot


I found the thing in life that hits me so hard, so true,
That I don?t need anything else to sustain me,
Everyone else needs families, friends, possessions,
Because they don?t have anything like that,
It?s what makes us great, makes us the best,
The only thing that we miss out on - is everything else in life,
I found one thing, that was so beautiful, pure and innocent,
That hit me so hard, that it is slowly killing me.

My heart aches then burns,
I puke stomach acid, searing my throat,
I?m deaf now, oblivious to all,
And I can barely stay conscious.

Relief used to be a vicodin away,
But not even she can calm the storm inside of me,
I?ve finally accepted that I?m not going to live much longer,
And this is going to end, with or without a little help from me,
Three make you sick,
Four will knock you out,
And with five and I can finally sleep peacefully,
#2
the advice i can give you dude is to not be to specific. if you could make it more general so that everyone can relate it to a injury they had in there life, I'm sure you would have a killer song. for example "Relief used to be a vicodin away,
But not even she can calm the storm inside of me,"

how about this "the Relief that comes through Drugs,
won't calm this storm inside me."

this has alot of potential: My heart aches then burns,
I puke stomach acid, searing my throat,
I?m deaf now, oblivious to all,
And I can barely stay conscious.

but the second line was to blunt i would try somehting like this

My heart aches inside
I feel it coming, feel it burning, feel it building inside
I can't hear you
Cause i'm not Here with you.


I dunno dude its my opinion, i'm not sure if its what you were looking for. but you have so much reason to write. your lucky in that sense. i just hope your lyrics don't actually mimic events to come. cause the you could really write some moving songs with everything you have endured. Later man
#3
thnx alot. Maybe I should try to make it more universal. I think "I can't hear you" is probably a bit to far universal. The idea is about being so far gone that you can only hear and think about the girl. You lose you friends, you slowly disconnect from people.

My heartaches and burns,
While my throat is seared from Inside,
I'm blind and I'm deaf now

Maybe be a bit closer. The trouble is it's hard to connect people. Very few people hit a 7 on the pain scale. Having your finger pulled back till it's broken I think is about a 2 and very few people really feel hurt like that.

Vicodin to me is a beautiful word. It rolls of the tounge. Its soft, its...I don't know what it is but it's always been a good word for me.

I need you,
I need to you,
I need to you,
And I love you, so I'll
I will go,
Yes, I will go,
I will go,
I will will go,
Who was I ?
And where was I
Go-ing?
No matter where, you are,
I will forever waiting for you,
I will go

That might read strangely, very repetitive. It's very personal to me. It kinda supposed to burst out in places. Hard to show, I'll try to record me singing it once I get it down right. Comments and criticism greatly appreciated.
#4
If it's personal to you, don't change it simply to make it more universal. Because there is always a chance that you will make it too universal and then it becomes cliche. And yes, vicodin is a beautiful word. Leave it in the song. It makes the lyrics seem more important.

Crit mine please

The Face of an Angel