#1
You couldn't be more wrong about me,
But I could understand why that's the man you see.
I'm changing everyday, a little more inside,
But each and everyday I take your sentiment into stride.

And I can't change the way it seems,
Cause this is the way it's always been,
The faster you learn to accept this,
The faster we'll learn to miss.

We said today we'd never be,
A couple haunted by what we see,
And sure enough, this truth became false,
At the sight of a diamond we lost a pulse.

We lost sight of our portrait,
Leaving our emotions on the doorstep,
I cannot see where this thing is headed,
But I'm faithful till the last.

But we can't change the way its been,
Cause this is the way it's always seemed,
The faster we learn to accept this,
The easier it will be to never miss---

-- The Past and what it used to be,
I wish that I was blind so that I wouldn't see,
You and what you've gained from this atrocity,
But I've lost nothing more than the ability,

To keep cool under this suspension of disbelief.
To know that you said to leave with such disdain,
But it hurts me more to know that every day,
I'll wake up just walk a mile and see that face.

The calamity isn't worth what it could've been,
And if I could disregard the past, you wouldn't last.

-------
Analyze lyrics pleeeeease (like if you think something is forced, or too simplistic, look beyond the words themselves and look at their alternative meanings)

16 views and no posts. What's wrong with it???
Last edited by dragon1604 at Jul 1, 2006,
#2
I had a much longer reply, but technology certainly is not the most reliable thing... To summarize, however:

The imagery needs to be stepped up. The diction and the emotion are there (as the more simplistic diction works for your audience), but the imagery needs to be heightened in order to increase the amount of empathy I feel towards you and your plight. Pick some good places to keep a steady flow of story and imagery, and you'll come out with a much better piece.

And try more impressive rhyming words. Monosyllabic, although easy, add an immature quality to the piece. (Even with whatever connotation you want to attach, it comes off as over-simplistic.)