#1
Hardcore. Going for the positive approach. Thoughts and crit is highly appericated.

Crit for crit is accepted of course! And please no-one critise the lack of structure. It's a part of my music taste - (it's less predictable and progession is better... Personally, I think it's better that way)

Scream Your Heart


Depression compresses. Hate releases. Music expresses. Ain't this more than enough now? Promoting self harm. Confidence is on the decrease. Your fine achievement is barely great. Is this everything that you stand for? Is this all what you sing for? For the ones who fell under your wing, I beg them to scream their hearts out. To rise above the negativity. For the ones who fell under your wing, I beg them to scream their hearts out. Act this out with passion, to find the strength, to sing our hearts out, for the things we need, the most. Sing your hearts out, in this house, filled with music.
#2
Scream Your Heart
Feeling Generous

Depression compresses. Hate releases. Music expresses.
Lovely Start. Nice attitude, and strong assonance.

Ain't this more than enough now? Promoting self harm.
I think this trips up the flow. Maybe put thequestion with the others- the magic three

Confidence is on the decrease. Your fine achievement is barely great. Is this everything that you stand for? Is this all what you sing for?
Change "what" to "that" I think would help the flow, which is neccessary for the lack of structure.

For the ones who fell under your wing, I beg them to scream their hearts out.
I would change the first word, you have previously used "for" in the questions, maybe re-word it a bit here. Again, nice assonance.

To rise above the negativity. For the ones who fell under your wing, I beg them to scream their hearts out.
I don't see exactly why you've repeated the line, I think if you have a good reason, then keep it, but my opininn is you can put something better in here, or maybe just put in a variation of the line.

Act this out with passion, to find the strength, to sing our hearts out, for the things we need, the most. Sing your hearts out, in this house, filled with music.
You could probably make the ending stronger, it lacks the attitude and tone you've kept for most the piece- it seems to nice an ending.

I think I like this piece over the other few I've seen from you, I thought you did well to keep up the tone for the most part, and all in all, whilst not being my style, I enjoyed reading it.

Good Stuff.

If your returning, "One Of those Boys" is my latest. Many thanks.
#3
"Depression compresses. Hate releases. Music expresses"
I like that. I could imagine a good, dark, bass line there for some reason.
It's a solid start, but I think you need to expand on it a little bit. It seems too short for a complex idea. The entire piece reminds me of Rise Against because of its anti-authoritative feel.
I'm going for a much different type of idea, but if you could crit mine it would be appreciated
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=386734
#4
^^ Jammy, thanks again bro. Brillant crit.

Unplugged - it looks your you're just looking for a cheap crit for crit - that's not the way how it works. I'm not gonna review yours because it looks like, a cheap crit for crit just like I said.

Jammy - going to yours now.
#5
love the start man, i can really imagine that in a song. The rest is really good. it's so hard for me atleast to see how a hardcore song would turn out untill it's put with the music and the lyrics are put together, but i really think this would turn out right

good stuff
#6
this can work well for hardcore punk, if any of u need a crit or wanna c a piece of mine, i'd be happy 2 do so