This is really rough--I wrote it in about 10 minutes. It's about a friend a knew and the chorus is adapted from a poem she wrote.

Don't see her every day
She won't get in your way
And you don't know what's inside
Cause pain makes her alive

She frightened and scared
She pretends like we care
She's scared to be alone
and the only one home
Mood ring eyes I can tell
That your not so... well

Sweaters hide every scar
Haven't noticed so far
And now she's tired of pain
No so she's not so insane

She's frightened and scared
Doesn't know that I care
She's scared to be alone
and the only one home
Mood ring eyes I can tell
That your not so... well
Well, your characters here are developed at the point of understanding who they are, but I also want to know a more completed spectrum concerning what they want and what they think about the major conflict.

Your diction ought to carry your imagery in this one. When primarily working on a character sketch (which, this, essentially, is), you're going to want to reveal something of the dualist universe - a fair balance of a picture of who they are physically, or the kind of things they physically do in the world, and a picture of who they are psychologically. Certainly, this is where your diction becomes important - in a sketch, you don't necessarily want to come out and say, "she's neurotic, with a mild case of psychosis, primarily by the inflammation of paranoid tendencies in her treatment of the outside world." That's not only not artistic, it's boring to read in a piece about the emotional consequences of a psychological issue. I think your bridge, a sort of solution for this predicament, is going to be ignoring the "psychology" as a science - tap the humanist aspect.

Play with your subject presentation. The structure feels like you're leaning comfortably on standard writing styles. Experiment! Certainly, don't go over the top - and say away from rhetorical questions (to anyone short of luck or expertise, rhetorical questions in pieces like this one are extremely cliched and horrifically mind-numbing).

Essentially, you're reaching out to the audience to feel your fear about her fear. So, outline the process a bit in your head - her fear is your foundation (therefore, it needs to be the top priority of this work), then comes your reaction (which will determine our reaction - to the more empathetic, bleeding-heart audience, your words determine the difference between a pity and a tragedy; to the more sober and artsy audience, your words determine the lyric's artistic worth), and, finally, you will see the result in the audience, us.

Now, you've got something started here that could be promising. Edit away!