#1
Here's a quick 8-line poem I wrote. It's actually the first poem I ever wrote, althrough I have experience writing songs. This poem really means a lot to me because it has a deep, personal meaning.

Your words are like acid,
burning through your throat.
Eroding to help you see,
the sadness that you wrote.
Sacrificial pleasure,
try to think this through.
Quit this game before you lose,
although you never do.
Quote by Hotpunksk8rgirl
I honestly don't see whats so dumb about my threads. I could make the most smarterest thread even and you would find something about it to pick on me for.....
#3
I never said it was my best, and by the way, I LOVED the constructive criticism. I don't even care if it's lame, because this poem means a lot to me. I'm not going to tell you what it's about because you'd probably laugh.
Quote by Hotpunksk8rgirl
I honestly don't see whats so dumb about my threads. I could make the most smarterest thread even and you would find something about it to pick on me for.....
#4
People with one word responses usually have nothing to say or contribute.

I actually thought it was pretty good. The idea of it, at least what I gathered, really got through. I can see this mixed in with a song. I can't see any blaring things that stick out as bad, so don't change it. Just try to fit it in with some more words, take your time, make something good. I want to see this on the billboard charts soon.
#5
When I started writing it, I actually planned for it to be a song. I guess I just put it on here as a poem because I couldn't think of anything to add to it and I wanted some crit without finishing the whole song. So yeah, I probably will end up making this into a song.. Haha, don't curse me like that. The billboard charts? Bleck. *cue the annoying pop music*. But seriously, thanks for the crit.
Quote by Hotpunksk8rgirl
I honestly don't see whats so dumb about my threads. I could make the most smarterest thread even and you would find something about it to pick on me for.....
Last edited by 40ozcasualties1 at Jul 2, 2006,