#1
Ok guys...this one is deep...very deep...I gave it my all. Its C4C as usual. here it is


No where to go

Her mascara runs,
as she sits and cries,
for no apparent reason,
until you look inside,
and find her memories,
of her childhood

Her daddy beat her,
until she was bruised,
so now shes an orphan,
with no where to go

I go to help her,
keep her calm,
but as I reach out,
she loses her mind,
kicking and thrashing,
just to get me away

Her daddy beat her,
until she was bruised,
so now shes an orphan,
with no where to go

No trust for no one,
not even her mom,
Its so sickening,
I don't know what to do,
So I finally tell my daughter,
I love you

so there it is guys...tell me what you think..thx
My gear:
1982 Peavey Falcon
2004 Les Paul
2006 Peavey Transtube
2007 Youngblood 100w cab
2002 Dean Playmate Bass
2002 Dean Bassola
#2
Her mascara runs,
as she sits and cries,
for no apparent reason,
until you look inside,
and find her memories,
of her childhood
good start, got me to keep reading

Her daddy beat her,
until she was bruised,
so now shes an orphan,
with no where to go
this is good, but as a chorus? but good enough

I go to help her,
keep her calm,
but as I reach out,
she loses her mind,
kicking and thrashing,
just to get me away
good follou-up to the first verse

Her daddy beat her,
until she was bruised,
so now shes an orphan,
with no where to go

No trust for no one,
not even her mom,
Its so sickening,
I don't know what to do,
So I finally tell my daughter,
I love you
so, youre the dad that beats her? nice twist, i like this, it might be too sudden, maybe have the chorus at the end with words canged around to fit the twist. great job overall

crit mine please: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=385105
#5
pretty good
like the rythym, great
dark and nice
great work

crit mine please
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=387027
Call me Sean
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He's just trying to protect our innocence.


Yes i am
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Gear:
Schecter S1 Elite Black Cherry (Soapbar Neck, Invader Bridge)
Schecter Banshee
Orange Dual Terror
Boss CE-5
Goatkeeper