#1
"Colossus"
though i am of flesh and bone,
i answer to sweet motherboard.
a tyrant made of no body, no soul.
a tyrant made by the flesh and bone.

and quoth colossus;
hand me crete.
and quoth the masses;
and order we heed.

your human nature was a
catalyst, catalyst.
i hold a ransom that you
can't resist, cant resist.

and though i think via transistor,
the human race is now my pawn.
my higher thoughts are your generals,
a reign in logic, by the transistor.

the hammer, the sickle
in the hands of uncle scam.

-----------------------------------------

go ahead and comment on it if you like, its a narrative, so keep that in mind. and the last stanza has no real political connotations, btw.
Quote by R_H_C_P
It's a known fact that 100% of people that sell their Telecasters, die.
#2
awesome! great choice of words. "the hammer, the sickle in the hands of uncle sam", that's the best part of the song. the only problem was that some parts of the song seem to ruin the flow, this part in particular, "and though i think via transistor,
the human race is now my pawn.
my higher thoughts are your generals,
a reign in logic, by the transistor." while that's not a bad part, it doesn't seem as smooth as the rest of the song. overall great work. 8.5/10.
B.C. RICH
#3
I found it quite good till the second-to-last part there, It just didn't really go as good as the rest. It flows well till that part, then it kinda seems scattered, but the beginning is good and its a different topic that most people don't write on, good stuff
#4
Nice song. Looks to me like it could be part of a concept album.

The hammer, the sickle
In the hands of uncle scam

That's really good writing right there.

Crit mine please

Vermin
#7
i dont know if anyone is still looking at this song, but i have the actual song of it up on my band's myspace, if you wanna hear it.

www.myspace.com/oceanictheband
Quote by R_H_C_P
It's a known fact that 100% of people that sell their Telecasters, die.
#8
Wow. That was fricken cool. Didnt like the repetition in the third stanza, but I had no problem with it anywhere else.