#1
Here's the most recent version of the song I've been most recently working on. I think the actual title will become "Untitled", just to clear up any confusion.

Um. I'm lacking on bass, and I'm not much of a bassist. I have a bass, I mess around with it, but...

I was hoping somebody might be able to come up with some good bass for this song? If you can, attach a copy of that version and I'll check it out. I will always give credit with something like this.

And of course, any other critiques are desired.

One more thing...

The second chorus. I'm not liking the transition from the Verse into that Chorus. It doesn't flow like it should, in my opinion. Anyone care to try and help on that one?

Much appreciated, guys!
Attachments:
Untitled.zip
Spiral Out
#3
The ending right before the chorus? Where I have the riff played through different speakers?
Spiral Out
#6
the only thing, would be to finally add like drums, and vocals, just like the final steps, ya know? in my opinion, theres not a lot you could change, without changing a lot of the song, so yah, thats my two cents, or sense, i dont know, great song!
#7
i really like the begining and like the other guy said the ending wow dude thats awsome haha i can feel this being a really good song
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#8
Thanks guys.
Alright.
I've worked on this so much in the past few days.
And now I'm proud to say,
I'm done.

That is, with the guitar parts.
I'll still have to add bass at some point.
And maybe get some drums. Though I suck at writing drum parts.
Lyrics might be hard, but I know the vocal styling (atleast for some of it). And while it may pain some to hear this, I can definately hear Billy Joe vocals, a la "Whatsername" specifically.

So, here it is. A final version.
Tell me what you think of the new stuff.
Attachments:
Untitled updated.zip
Spiral Out
#9
it does pain me to hear that...

but yeah. the music is all good.
i like it all quite a bit. BUT.
billy joe vocals would ruin it.

I just want to sleep forever.


#10
That sounded pretty good.
My favorite part was the riff at about 1:44, on the midi.
Some of the parts did get repetitive and a little boring, but thats probably cuz it's only guitars playing. The ending was very well done, with an epic kind of feeling.
I'd really like to hear drums and bass added, and maybe even vocals(?).
Great work.

And thanks for critting my songs.
last.fm | Rush Hour | Dead Format
Quote by HxC73107
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#11
Pretty solid stuff my man, very good job. I liked some of the riffs you put in there. Good job!
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#12
At bar 9 you could do something like...

----E-E-E-Q--E{ST}E
G|--------------------------------------------------|
D|--------------------------------------------------|
A|-0-2-2-3---3-232-----------------------------|
E|---------------------3----------------------------|
--------------------HP

E = eigth
Q = Quarter
ST = Sixteenth triplet
H = Hammer
P = Pull off

Sry bout standard tuning, but my bass is a biznatch to tune...
Last edited by Peeex at Jul 4, 2006,
#13
Quote by chris_122
That sounded pretty good.
My favorite part was the riff at about 1:44, on the midi.
Some of the parts did get repetitive and a little boring, but thats probably cuz it's only guitars playing. The ending was very well done, with an epic kind of feeling.
I'd really like to hear drums and bass added, and maybe even vocals(?).
Great work.

And thanks for critting my songs.

Yea, the kind of steriotypical metalcore riff is essential for many of my songs.
I'm surprised no one had sad anything about repetition before you! It does seem to repeat the same few riffs over and over, but I made it work so that it was interesting. The sudden changes from Distorted to Clean and back to Distorted were helpful, I think. And the harmonizing really helps. It doesn't seem so empty when it's harmonized.

I'll work on bass and drums soon. Bass first, I suck with drums.

Thanks for the crit guys!
And Peeex, I'll look into using your riff. Just gotta transcribe it so it's in the right tuning. And thanks for the help, too!
Spiral Out
#14
Quote by HumanitysDeath
Yea, the kind of steriotypical metalcore riff is essential for many of my songs.


Well I just put up a new song, a Metalcore one lol.

It would be great if you could check it out.
last.fm | Rush Hour | Dead Format
Quote by HxC73107
pray for plagues or off the heezay by bring me the horizon both great songs specially when ur at a pit at trhe reall show
#15
I like the structure of the song, and there are some good riffs, I particularly like the last part from the verse, bar 35 to the end, and the harmonised riff at 1:45.

Without bass and drums, parts of it seem empty, but the guitar parts are fairly filling .

And although you said it repeats often, it doesn't make it seem boring, rather more like a market-able song. Good stuff
#16
its awsome, the intro is great, then all of a sunden bam theres distortion and the riff thats starts at measure 29 is tits. Keep it up.

EDIT: I start working on bass, but i dont have any way to zip the file so i would have to e-mail it to you.
Quote by unfathomable_bo
Well it isnt hard to bend a string that has the tension of a piece of well cooked spaghetti, especially when you have hands like goalkeeper gloves


My songs: (more to come) (C4C's)
Screams fell silent underneath the black sun
Last edited by Stolenidentity1 at Jul 6, 2006,
#17
Quote by Stolenidentity1
its awsome, the intro is great, then all of a sunden bam theres distortion and the riff thats starts at measure 29 is tits. Keep it up.

EDIT: I start working on bass, but i dont have any way to zip the file so i would have to e-mail it to you.


Thanks for the crit, man.
And if you wanna write some bass, feel free.
Email it to me at Drown.In.Metal@gmail.com
I have a version with bass
but I'm simplistic when writing bass, so your version may be better.
Spiral Out
#18
hmm, cool flow in the beginning, I like the harmonized part...ooo sounds cool when the distortion comes in..."main" riff sounds sweet, I love the part after that, good job on switching it up a little..back to clean, nice...wow I like that when it comes back in haha...nice little break too, cool fade out

all in all no complaints except it was a little repetitive since it revolved around the same chords the whole time, but I did like it a lot. It'll sound badass with drums and vocals too
#19
I liked the chorus chord progression and the arrangement of the guitar parts. It was really cool. I also liked the way the first verse was different than the second. I liked the second verse better, actually.
I think the second verse to the chorus flows fine, even in the original version.
Interesting 7/8 time signature at the beginning. Takes a while to get the feel.

Overall, nice. A little tedious and repetative for my tastes, but good.

Thanks for the crit.
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#20
I've messed around with bass. I didn't use stolenidentitys bass, but I did take some inspiration from his.

Anyways, here's an updated version. Bass is still in experimental stage. I try to keep the riffs to the level of my bassist, but it's hard... because I'm better at bass than he is


Anyways. I've changed a little guitar, not much. Tell me what you think of the bass, though. That's my prime concern.

I'm pretty sure I'm gonna call this the final guitar and bass version. I might try to work on putting this into GuitarPro and getting some drums tabbed out.

As always, thank you for the crit. And I'm always glad to return the favor.
Attachments:
XXX.zip
Spiral Out
#21
the first time this was posted im pretty sure i made some total douchebag comment, and i apologize for that because i really like it the second time around, the intro i still do not like at all and i think teh chord progression is overused, but from the chorus on... awesome
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#22
this song is awesome. i really loved the chorus and the werse right after the first one. Really nicely done.
#23
Holy crap this song is really good man. If it was actually a song (like recorded version with guitars, bass, NICE vocals and drums) I'd have it on my mp3. So plz dude if you actually record it plz let me know.
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#24
I like the new outro its nice, sorta as i lay dying-ish. I still like my verse better. but its your song.
Quote by unfathomable_bo
Well it isnt hard to bend a string that has the tension of a piece of well cooked spaghetti, especially when you have hands like goalkeeper gloves


My songs: (more to come) (C4C's)
Screams fell silent underneath the black sun
#25
I thought it was alright. I checked out the second file, the first "full complete", and it strikes me as good, but not phenomenal. I think some of the slow parts kind of interrupt the flow of the song. The verse harmonizing is nice, and the chorus is cool, but I personally think the ending is a little boring, seeing as it's all 8th notes for like a minute and I think you could do something really cool there.

8/10

Crit mine please? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=394923
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