#1
After a brief period of just lookin at everyone elses songs I decided to put my head down and write another. This song is really weak i know but I just felt like doing one. It's louder and more deeper than any of my other songs. Once more I centre it around one woman in my life and how things have changed. Please rate and umm C4C as always

We never,
Wanted to be together,
If I'd thought I would lose her,
I would have just let her,

When we,
Are all clean,
I wish I could forget her,
But what about my mind...

I can scream out you name,
Or wait for a reply,
Everything that you used to always keep from me,
And all the looks you always used to give me,
Always gonna go there,
Never gonna stay here,
I know, I scream,

The sky seems to dark,
What a whole lotta difference...

That makes!
It makes, no difference,
I'm never coming back, no I'm never coming back,

You can scream at the top of you lungs,
And rock me 'till you die,
But I won't ever come back,
Won't ever come back,

You can scream out my name,
Or wait for a reply,
Everything I will never ever tell you,
And all the looks I'll never ever give you,
Never gonna be here,
Never gonna stay there,
But will you..

Scream (whispered)
Scream (x 8 gradually getting louder, also backing vocals saying the same lap over)

A whole lotta difference it makes,
To you, to many mistakes,
I will never.........(drag it out)
Come home...
Songs working on :

Nitelife
#2
The makes no difference bit reminds me of Sum 41, in a good way. I think it's a pretty good song I'm not too sure about the screaming though.
Looking to buy a Fender Jagstang, u sellin?
#3
cheers but just so u know its just us singing the word scream lol just gettin a bit louder, we dont actually scream any of it, thx for crit
Songs working on :

Nitelife
#4
No offence but this song seems like much ado about nothing. A good song takes an emotion or feeling and puts it in context thorugh a situation or description, meataphor ect all unique to the writer. But this song presents a series of unoriginal lines strung together with no discernable flow or rhyme and overall loosely describing something spiteful with little meaning. My advise would be to change the song to make it less abstract and to put in experiences unique to you and put better flow in the mix. Feel free to crit my song just as harshly.
#5
I must admit the lyrics can be improved a lot. I think you do have a good base here, since no matter how we want to be original and unique, sometimes the simplest songs are the ones which we found most appealing. But, I do think of lyrics as a kind of story-telling, and I thought that the song should have ended on the note it started, with reference to "we".

I would have like to see the idea behind a bit more developed as well, but as I see it, this is one of the songs where the music take a great part, so if you have music put to it, please post a link and I'm sure this can be much more.

Carmel
This is not a pipe
#6
meh no hard feelings im not assed i did say even i thought it was weak. ever since i wrote that first song and posted it here i just cnat seem to grab the same flair anymore i need better inspiration lol
Songs working on :

Nitelife