#1
Please read this all even if you don't like it. Just tell me what you don't like.
Please? Thanks.
Crit for Crit.


At three in the morning I usually fall asleep.
It?s not what I want, but it?s what my body needs.
I?ll usually sit down anywhere to regain my breath.
But even after that my body still needs rest.

I like walking on the beaches and staying up all night.
My eyelids are kept open until the moonlight turns to sunshine.
I guess it?s because I hate the dark and love anything bright.
I like walking on the beaches and staring up at the sky.

I hate it when I?m near people so I stay up all alone.
But even privacy doesn?t feel like home.
I used to stay up nights talking on the phone.
But now my pretty girlfriend?s always on the road.

Last night for the first time I tried to go to bed.
Maybe there?s something wrong deep inside my head,
causing me to sleep late and always sleep past ten.
But I'm too scared to find out.
The voices in my head never seem to get loud,
when I stay awake.
I guess I'm better off this way.
#2
an idea to better it:

dont directly tell that you cant sleep, just show vivid imagery that implies the meaning of the song.

EDIT: For example, dont say: I cannot sleep. Say: My eyes stare at the pale white moon.
Last edited by metalupyour455 at Jul 5, 2006,
#3
Man,this reminds me of some Dashboard Confessional songs,don't know why.Just love it!You can really put emotion in your words,and that's what counts for me!It's kind of biter-sweet and I love the way you tell the story.Go on and please continue writing lyrics cause you know how to!Rock On!
#4
Thanks to both of you. I'm also almost done with the chords to it but I need a chorus. Any Help?
#5
The chorus "must" be the catchiest part of the song, so it usually has short lyrics on that part and simple chord progressions.You want some help with the music or with the lyrics in the chorus?
#6
Both. I just finished the chords for the verses, but I need to make a chorus and then work on a sort of catchy chord part. =] Thanks.
#7
But I've only been playing for 3 months so I only know these chords:

E,Em,A,Am,Em7,Fm7,D,D7,C,G,A7,E7.

Sooo....yeah, I'm limited.
#8
hmm... in that case i would say go to here
http://www.guitarnotes.com/guitar/notes2/ultimate11.shtml
its a chord chart. mess around with some of those i guess. theres another webstie but i cant remeber it, it has the sounds with it.

http://www.chordfind.com/
http://www.guitarnotes.com/guitar/notes2/ultimate11.shtml
http://www.emedia.org/chord.html

or... a very simple way. just mess around with bar chords. thats pretty simple and should sound good.
Last edited by frontman54 at Jul 5, 2006,
#10
It's a really big help but do you know any chords that are easy to form with your fingers and they sound sort of minorish or like high pitched or 'soft'.
becuase for this song I'm using a Capo on fret 7 and i like the sound of those types of chords.