#1
C4C and all that jazz............................


Two miles from shore.
A calculated Psycho
Dances through claymores.
Great blood, gave us.
A simple reason,
To Spin to the floor.

Are you ready for loving.
Are you ready for love.
Are you missing the gun fight.
Or are you ready for love.

Put up, red paws.
An action taken.
Now lower your jaw.
Kill me, no chance.
No place in the sideshow.
No give in the door.

Laid out, so still.
A people popper.
Seeking eyes to spill.
I died twice, no more.
Now save the pieces.
Push them through my door.

Are you ready for loving.
Are you ready for love.
Are you missing the gun fight.
Or are you ready for love.

And I know which one
I would throw at the sun.
I know which one.
I know which one.

Bones crack, skin falls.
A broken capsule,
Spills a poisoned ball.
Peace songs, still play.
Over the dust lust,
Doves sail away.

Are you ready for loving.
Are you ready for love.
Are you missing the gun fight.
Or are you ready for love.

And I know which one.
I would throw at the sun.
And I know which one.
I would carry along.
#4
the chorus sounds like something elton john might sing.....i dont get it......

other wise pretty dmaned neat
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Nitelife
#5
Awesome flow, it really did help the piece, I think you did a real good job there.

I'll be back to this later on mate.

EDIT: I'm back.

Like I said, the flow rocked in this piece, the rhymes were simple but nor forced, you kept the tone throughout it and I really liked this one, for some reason it just hit the right notes with me.

Can't say much more. Nice work
Last edited by Jammydude44 at Jul 5, 2006,
#6
It's nice and pacey with a good rhythm and overall a good vibe coming off it.

A broken capsule,
Spills a poisoned ball.


I liked that, mainly because of the way you worded it. It's straight to the point yet it keeps the point well hidden (to me at least...I have no idea as to its meaning). This is the couplet which encompasses the pace element. I don't know your intentions for the tempo but this reads so fast, I love it.

Dances through claymores.

I don't particularly get the dancing through long swords scenario. Whether it's a metaphor for something, or a euphemism for a battle, I don't know. But kudos goes to you for making me think harder than a lot of other songs trying to find a solid meaning.
#7
eh claymore isnt long swords... there like bombs or something mines. Anyways this was an excellent war piece, the best ive read in quite some time. ah wtf im gonna full crit

So i just pulled up your piece and im like

idk what to say

the only advice i have is watch to much reptition it detracted from it. other then that, nice job.
#8
Quote by TrigFunction
eh claymore isnt long swords... there like bombs or something mines.


They're swords as well. Google something before replying like that.
#9
It was pretty good. The imagry might have almost been a little to much. This is based around imary. But over all it is pretty good. Unlike everyone else, I like the chorus. I think that the chorus is neccesary. It kind of brings the song down to earth.

plz crit
Naffin - The Choice
#2 member of the Bill and Ted fan club

"There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It lies between the pit of man's fears, and the summit of his knowledge. It is an area which we call ... THE TWILIGHT ZONE."
#10
Quote by Dæmönika
They're swords as well. Google something before replying like that.


ah yes i know they are but im just stating that mines is obviously what he meant. i think you should google the fact that it is mines which WOULD make sense rather then assuming he means swords which, wouldnt make sense.
#11
Quote by TrigFunction
ah yes i know they are but im just stating that mines is obviously what he meant. i think you should google the fact that it is mines which WOULD make sense rather then assuming he means swords which, wouldnt make sense.



I did google, it's just that claymore is more commonly heard to refer to the long swords. The way you came in and stated that claymore was NOT a long sword was why I told you to google it.
#12
Very nice lyrics!
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#14
Cheers all, except mrsmurder you tit,

I will get to all, sorry to take so long. if not now tomorrow.
Daemonika the verses are failry fast and the chorus picks up speed, real glad you liked mate, thanks. you had me worried with the sword thing, see what you mean mate, I thought **** I thought they were mines, now hes dancing around swords, but cheers for the lesson.
Trig, thanks for reading and enjoying. I appreciate mate.
Jammy, always a pleasure to hear from you mate, glad you liked too.
Lemon and jjkool. I might not have succeeded but the first 3 lines of each verse are representing war/violence and the last 3 peace or hiding or just leave me out of it. So the chorus is hopefully asking which one does the reader want, Cheers for the positives lads.
Naffin and future thanks a for your time, and crits cheers.