#1
The sky rains blood like the fiery tears of hell
That unspeakable place where all of us soliders dwell
we fight and battle but what are we fighting for
How Many millions how many more

(Chorus)
No mans land is just a memory
Im in a war with my own head
The war has stolen all my feelings
Now were runnig out of hope and time

The distance and yearning it is all in vain
We can no longer stand the crushing pain
Your spirit and laughter you try to get us through
But really you see the war has killed you too

Chorus

When i raise my voice nobody will hear me
When i look at the heroes they all look away
It is now that i see that this life doesnt care for me
I look a t my death so blind i cannot see

Please dont hold back ,tell me how crap or increadibly crap it is, dont hesitate to suggest ideas
#3
that's pretty good.

a little too dark for my taste, but i'm sure a lot of other people would like it.
#4
Quote by METSOAD
The sky rains blood like the fiery tears of hell
That unspeakable place where all of us soliders dwell
we fight and battle but what are we fighting for
How Many millions how many more

hmm you should punctuate this piece. Raining blood- cliche overused bland. hmm i shall read on

(Chorus)
No mans land is just a memory
Im in a war with my own head
The war has stolen all my feelings
Now were runnig out of hope and time

you really should repeat war in line two and three like that.

The distance and yearning it is all in vain
We can no longer stand the crushing pain
Your spirit and laughter you try to get us through
But really you see the war has killed you too

dont start rhyming! you will completely throw this off. this is all very cliche, i think ive read this piece before. about 20 times infact. sorry

Chorus

When i raise my voice nobody will hear me
When i look at the heroes they all look away
It is now that i see that this life doesnt care for me
I look a t my death so blind i cannot see

Please dont hold back ,tell me how crap or increadibly crap it is, dont hesitate to suggest ideas


Its not like it was reading that bad, but just dont too much. Umm check out the new lyrics tips thread for literary devices that will help your pieces be more complex and less overused

-Mike