#1
Drops of memory, puddles of pain,
And youre just struggling to keep yourself sane.
Well sometimes you only get what you want,
And not what you need.

Rays of hurt, heat of love,
And youre just trying stay above.
Well sometimes you know what you need,
And afraid of what you want.

Flakes of sorrow, snow of rage,
And youre just trying to get to the next page.
Well sometimes what you need,
Is nothing you really want.

Waves of confusion, tides of delusion
And youre just trying to keep yourself afloat.
You have to get beyond the illusion.
And you have to abandon the boat.

So maybe youve been hurt, thrown upon the shore,
But it doesnt matter anymore.
We all want to be alright,
We all need to be alright.


tell me what you think.
#2
Ok:

1) You seem to have a lot of forced rhyme. Now, rhyme can be both essential and hazardous to a piece. The way you rhyme in your piece is a tad hazardous. This is because you make it seem like you wrote 1 line so that it can flow/rhyme with the following line. This also does not always allow you to explain yourself and provide a deeper meaning within the piece. An example can be seen in your fourth stanza:

Waves of confusion, tides of delusion
And youre just trying to keep yourself afloat.
You have to get beyond the illusion.
And you have to abandon the boat.


You see, the first line is fine. But, in the third line...what exactly is the illusion that you want to go beyond. There is no real explanation for this throughout the piece that I saw. So, instead of using "illusion" because it would flow better with "delusion" you may consider other alternatives.

2) Another thing I noticed is that even thought the water theme stays prevalent throughout your piece. You jump to extremes. An example is seen in your first stanza and foruth, where you go from "puddles" to "oceans/boats." But, in your second and third stanza's, you go from "heat" to "snow." You really need to find a common ground so that your stanza's flow better and you can get more themes across.
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