#1
Hey everyone, it's been a while. Anyway -

Turbulence
http://fored.dmusic.com

It started out with a riff that I couldn't get out of my head, then I threw in some lyrics and voila. About someone who's on a plane and knows that it's about to crash. Something like the person's last thoughts.

Crits will be very much appreciated. Enjoy!

#4
alright i'm just gonna talk while the song goes through and add times occasionally so you can keep up

into the first few lines of lyrics, your singing feels very uncomfortable, for example, at 0:09, the part when you say belt, that note is a little too low for you, it makes the tone of your voice sound very choppy and jagged. But every word before the 'belt' in 'seatbelt' is absolutly perfect, but when you say belt and then something about sufficate (not sure completely), it seems like your voice is too uncomfortable at that note. still, sounds very good for an intro

the next line, 0:14 - 18, is very good, it lets your voice flow very nicely

0:19 - 0:22 is good also, except for the fact that you end the line a little low or that the tone seems a little off.

0:24 - 0:27 wow, the line sounds so much better when its higher than before this part. perfect

0:28 - 0:32 very nice transition from the high voice in the line before, makes it sound very good

0:34ish - 0:40ish i think your voice is a little too low, with your singing abilities, i think there is a better alternative to the note that you are using.

0:42 - 0:48 very nice transition to the chorus, plus your voice is amazing, i really like the guitar too

0:50 - 0:56 no complaints, your voice is very good, maybe a little shaky/cracks slightly at times (0:55ish), but still very very good

0:59ish - 1:04 i think you let your voice go a little too high in this part, but honestly, it doesn't really matter, it still sounds good

1:05 - 1:07 i like how the guitar follows the voice very well

1:11 - 1:28 i let it run a little, basically the same stuff i said in the past couple of lines, it sounds very very good, no complaints

1:29 - 1:33 starts off a little too low for my liking, or that might have been a fret buzz, but the rest of the line is good

1:34 - 1:49 i like the tone of your voice, generally i think your voice is better high, but this vocal region sounds pretty good too

1:50 - 2:07ish you're voice seems to go all over the place for this part, doesn't seem too have good control over it, i mean, its not bad, but i think i could improve, just a thing to look at, also i don't like how you say words with a big breathe so its sounds like you breathe a word, so damn cliché, done by every singer it seems like

2:08 - 2:13 Perfect, this is your voice's strongest aspect... really is perfect

2:14 - 2:30 I don't really care for the lower layer too much, it doesn't add to the song too much, but the layer with the higher voice sounds perfect

2:30 - 2:35 Now the layering is very good and makes the song sound more.... can't think of the word to use, but it is perfect

2:37 - 2:54 the lower layer is kind of taking away from your amazing voice, i would stick with just the higher layer

2:55- 3:08 i think you could have delayed this part a little more, continue with the intensity that you were building in the line before (2:30-2:54)

3:09 - 3: 18 wow, amazing vocals, that high note is amazing

3:20- end its very good, kind of the same as 2:14-2:30 but still its pretty good, i would have prefered you to switch this part with 2:30-2:35 and add 3:09- 3: 18


Overall, the song is amazing, your vocals and guitar really makes it what it is
Your voice and guitar abilities are truly amazing, you have an amazing talent. If you are ambitious enough, and it seems that you are by looking at your main page, you could actually become very well known throughout the music world. Good luck

the only major aspect i criticize is the lower voice in some of the layers and the ending could have been a little more powerful, forceful, and higher, just a thought
Looking for some hot stuff
#5
Wow, very nice song. It reminds me of Dashboard Confessional, you're voice and the guitar playing and everything. Your voice is very good except for on some parts but overall really great. I wish I could sing as high as you. Lol. Really amazing job. 10/10
#6
Nice song. Wow, you've got a unique voice. Almost sounds girlish at times - but I mean that in a good way

Nice guitar work. Complements the vocals well. Great recording quality, too. Very clear.

Good job
#7
yawn: I AM a girl! Hahaha. Thanks.

Colby: DC? Hmmm. Thanks!

lazyboy: Well, I sure think your nick doesn't suit how you critiqued my song. Thanks so much! I did the really low verses as a contast to the highs on the chorus, but obviously I can't really reach the lows well.

tombo & tallicafan: Thanks guys!
#8
^ Oh, haha. Well then nevermind me then

Ever since I listened to Dashboard Confessional, I can't tell who's who anymore.
#9
This song is the style that I think could benefit from an intro... I mean, it's about someone on a plane... I think the intro could kind of set the seen, lying through the air and the clouds, etc. musically. I'm also a loser so don't listen to me. Anyway, I can't say I understand completely, probably because I'm typing and listening at the same time but I think the chorus is really lovely. You hit a bad note around 1:44 but I think you have a great voice. The doubled vocals come in at the right time if you ask me, because it was right then I was ready for something more to happen with the song. The harmonies are right on. I might like to hear a bit of backround single note melody going on if it'd work, but it's a job well done. Writing a song about dying in a plane crash, if it's not a metaphor then you're just sick! Kidding. Good to hear you're still at it, I thoroughly enjoyed it.
A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time. --Alfred E. Wiggam