#1
Guys
just wanted some crits on this, it was written to the piano part of 'Hello' by evanesence(did i spell that right?),


Verse1
Welcome to the slaughterhouse of the mind
In here the only thing that you?ll find
Is the damage that you?ve done with all your words
But you?ll never know cause you could never have heard

Verse2
Welcome to the slaughterhouse of the mind
I lie and dream of how you?ve lied
With a promise of eternal bliss
Which was shattered the day you raised your fist

Chorus
The pain, the tears, the dreams I feared
The screams of the damned that you forced me to hear
And when you were done and your rage died down
You left me there, broken on the ground

Verse3
Welcome to the slaughterhouse of the mind
I looked into your eyes and cried
When I saw the hate you had for me
As you stripped of my clothes and dignity

Verse4
Welcome to the slaughterhouse of the mind
Enjoy your stay don?t look behind
For all the things you?ve done to me
Is now your only source of company

Chorus
The pain, the tears, the dreams I feared
The screams of the damned that you forced me to hear
And when you were done and your rage died down
You left me there, broken on the ground
#2
good song...but im not really sure i like the ryme of it...it would sound better if it was 1-2-1-2 instead of 1-1-2-2 you know? heres an example instead of:
"Welcome to the slaughterhouse of the mind
In here the only thing that you’ll find
Is the damage that you’ve done with all your words
But you’ll never know cause you could never have heard"

you could have:

Welcome to the slaughterhouse of the mind
the damage that you’ve done with all your words
is all you'll find inside
But you’ll never know cause you could never have heard...

just some advice...
peace out
UG's HIPPIE
#4
Good lyrics but you definitly need a different rhyming pattern, so you can back up what you're saying too...you've used some good tecniques in it tho, but you have kinda repeated yourself a few times. well done but...keep writing...
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