#1
Little background information on me: I'm 17 and have been writing lyrics for two years now. My lyrical style isn't based off anyone in particular. I just go with the flow and write out whatever comes to mind. I never edit my lyrics--what you see is what I was feeling at the time I wrote the song.

I wrote this song last Winter, and, so far, everyone I've shown it to has loved it. I decided to post it here to see what kind of constructive criticism I can get.

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"Will You"©
Lyrics by: Titan88

Verse 1:
Here I am in my prison
I have finally reached my darkest day
Living my life any longer is no given
How did I lose my way?
So long ago I was happy
I felt I had everything
But then it all came crashing down
Like a summer rain
Now my anguish surrounds me
All I feel is sadness, anger and pain
And I can't see the reason I'm alive
And I can't go on like this any longer
They say
"What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger"
But I don't feel that strength

Chorus:
My life is completely shattered
And I have nothing left to lose
This life has left me battered
Broken and bruised
So I get down on my knees
I cry out to you
Will you take me back?
Despite my lack of faith
Will you forgive the past?
And give me the strength
To make it through?

Verse 2:
I wake up to a new day
The sun shines so bright
Still, I feel exactly the same
I know that this life isn't right
I'm still trying to figure out just how I got this way
What mistake could I have possibly made
To feel so much pain?
This sinking feeling never fades
There is no relief for me
I just can't do this anymore
I can't continue to shut every door
And isolate myself even more form the outside

*Chorus*

Bridge:
This is finally it
I can't go on like this
I surrender myself to you
I can't do this all by myself
I need you to get me through
And save me from this personal hell
Take me
Just take me!

*Chorus*
My Gear:
Epiphone PR-100 Acoustic
Agile AL-2000 Silverburst Electric
Behringer V-Tone 15W Amp

Check out my friend's Music blog by clicking here!
#3
Yeah. I basically wrote about a time when I was incredibly depressed. Not quite suicidal, but really depressed. The overall message of the song is that you can find hope in the midst of struggle.
My Gear:
Epiphone PR-100 Acoustic
Agile AL-2000 Silverburst Electric
Behringer V-Tone 15W Amp

Check out my friend's Music blog by clicking here!
#5
Thanks. I'll check out your songs and see what I think.
My Gear:
Epiphone PR-100 Acoustic
Agile AL-2000 Silverburst Electric
Behringer V-Tone 15W Amp

Check out my friend's Music blog by clicking here!
#6
I suck at critting, but here are my two cents:

I really liked the introduction. The whole Verse 1 was written in such a way, an un-normal way, but a good one however. All flows great, and the chorus was awesome. I love the use of ''shattered'' and ''battered'' to rhyme. The second verse didn't let me down either, and the bridge fits quite good. So overall, great performance! 9/10

Crit mine? Click on Sarcophagus in my sig.
When I heard smoking would kill me, I bought shares in Dunhill and Marlboro - Thomas Geraghty

If we don't change it, nothing will fucking change.
#7
^ Thanks for the critique. I critiqued your newest song(and Drowning_Helena's). You guys are pretty good as well.
My Gear:
Epiphone PR-100 Acoustic
Agile AL-2000 Silverburst Electric
Behringer V-Tone 15W Amp

Check out my friend's Music blog by clicking here!