#1
this came up in my other thread, but no one answered my question, so I thought I'd post it in a new thread. I was thinking about asking my girlfriend to be the lead singer or my band. when I mentioned that in the other thread, everyone promply told me that that was a terrible, aweful, bad idea. I then asked why, but never really got a straight answer.

so: why is it bad to have my girlfriend in my band?

please no "because girl lead singers suck" comments, or other dumbass things like that. I figure, if we do infact break up, as all of you seem to believe we will, then if we're "still friends", she stays in the band, but if we hate each others' guts, she's out. Is it as simple as that, or am I missing something? Keep in mind that I'm NOT disagreeing with you, so don't flame my ass off if you wouldn't mind
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#2
because when you break up it becomes akward and then she'll leave or you'll leave. no one wins in that situationl.
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#3
If you two break up and are "still friends", it will be awkward as hell for everyone and she will probably still leave the band.

If you two break up and hate each other, then yeah she's gonna leave. Or she might stay in spite of you...which would be bad.

Not saying that you will break up, but those are two possible scenarios.
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#4
unless they like her better, then your out.
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#5
yea its really a matter how good you are if you think would keep you instead of her when you break up then it is fine ... but if you have a chance of being booted then you shouldnt do it
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#6
alright, thanks. Another problem I have though, is I can't find a singer anywhere. Anyone who has any talent whatsoever hates the music I like, and the ones who like it can't sing worth s***. My girlfriend happens to have an incredible voice AND likes my music...
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#7
Heh. I have the opposite problem.

I'm a good singer who can't find anyone to back him up, so I'm embarking on solo stuff until I do.
#9
Go for it - I'm getting into a band with a couple and hopefully we'll have no problems as a unit.

And my girlfriend dumped me recently but we've made an effort to still talk and we're not feeling akward around each other anymore.
#10
As long as you can both be mature and keep band issues separate from relationship issues you should be fine, that way if you break up you're still 'just bandmates'... It's always a good idea to be in a band with people you like, and you apparently like her alot so I would keep it. Good luck if you break up though, that's a hard thing to be 'grown-up' about without having to be on stage with your ex.
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#11
I'd say no, it's impossible to keep it buisiness. Practice would become your touch each other time and **** wouldn't work. Just trust me... keep your chicks away from your guy time and vice versa.
#12
Quote by Spazz128735
I'd say no, it's impossible to keep it buisiness. Practice would become your touch each other time and **** wouldn't work. Just trust me... keep your chicks away from your guy time and vice versa.

#14
Id say no for the reasons above, but it also creates problems for the other members-feeling awkard at times, or if there is disagreement the other members may feel threatend 2 against 1.

Mind you she could 'service' the whole band eliminating the need for groupies!
#15
Quote by Mahavishnu80
Id say no for the reasons above, but it also creates problems for the other members-feeling awkard at times, or if there is disagreement the other members may feel threatend 2 against 1.

Mind you she could 'service' the whole band eliminating the need for groupies!


XD

Good point, and hilarious idea.
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#16
yeah not the best idea..... ever heard of a little group called the eagles..... or how about fleetwood mac.... or *GASP* evanesence (sp? or does it even matter) these are all prime examples of what will happen
#17
never heard of " don't mix bussiness with pleasure "
( or something in that nature )
#19
doesnt sound like a bad idea to me at all
me and my ex are really good friends
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#20
tell her that the band means more than your relationship and that she has to sign an agreement which states that she must still be a working member in the band regardless of any marital problems...a bit like a pre-nup, and if she decides to leave under contract then she must reimberse each band member for "pain and suffering"
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#21
dont put her in the band BECAUSE she is your girlfriend, there couldnt be a more wrong reason... what do the other band members think of the idea?

and in my experience girlfriends dont mix well with music... maybe some gilrs are different, but any of they ladies that ive seen tagging along with a band usually sit and pout bacause their boyfriend isnt paying attiention to them. many bands and/or musicians i know have a great rule: IF THEY ARE NOT IN THE BAND, THEY SHOULD NOT BE THERE... sooooo if your putting your girl in the band JUST BECAUSE she IS your gilrfriend things will be f***ed.

but, to your benefit, she may not be the moody type... so if your band is behind the idea, go for it. their judgement is more important they anybody on this forum. but i have a feeling you came to us because they didnt like the idea
#23
nope i'm still sticking with don't do it, the bad FAAAAR outweighs what little good may come of it.
#24
If your relationship with her goes sour, the band falls apart.

If the band falls apart, your relationship with her could go with it.

If she starts writing songs with one of the other guys in the band, she could dump you for him, and they kick you out of the band.

Any way you slice it, if you lose the girl, you lose the band. And if you lose the band, you'll probably lose the girl.

No good can come of this.

#25
this may have been re-stated. but in my case; Im in a two piece band with a girl I used to just be friends with. then she became a bitch and I pretty much told her this to her face. Anyway, we don't hang out anymore, I could care less. but we still are as active musically as we were. We don't bring things up, no drama. we're just there for the music. That could be your situation in the future.
#27
IMO it doesnt really matter, if you play it right. If you two are serious about going out with each other then she prob wont dump you for sombody else, if you two are not then you just lost 'another girl'. But dont put her in the band cos shes your girl, put her in there becuase she can damn well sing. And dont piss your other band mates off by being with her all the time in band pratices cos thas a big no-no. I play with my gf in some of the worship bands (I lead) and there is no problem, I treat her almost the same as I would any other musicain that I play with and I give her the same oportunitys as other guys to play and nobody has a problem with it.
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#28
if you break up the band will fall apart and when ever you say 'we are still friends' its not the same and it feels wierd.
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#29
Never have your galfriend in your band,their are so many variables,99% of which are really bad for you and her.
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Last edited by TimiHendrex33 at Jul 13, 2006,
#30
Quote by z4twenny
yeah not the best idea..... ever heard of a little group called the eagles..... or how about fleetwood mac.... or *GASP* evanesence (sp? or does it even matter) these are all prime examples of what will happen



Fleetwood Mac is a bad example. The two couples in the band broke up, and they made their best album.
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#31
^ that may be true, but how much longer did the band last after that? they may have made their best album but the band went downhill not long after, the only reason i use 'mac is cuz they weren't around much too longer after (didn't they make 2 or 3 more albums and call it a day, if i remember correctly)
#32
Dude, I know how this is. My ex-girlfriend was in my old band for a week or so. But she played violin and it sounded so ****ty with our music because it was all high pitched and screechy. Plus, she was a total bitch to boot.

Anyway, everyone else felt really uncomfortable with her being there, because all she'd ever do is complain about how come we're not writing a song about her and then screech her damn violin. Sometimes after band practice, we like to hang out and just kick it, but when my girlfriend was there, she would sit on my lap and just being really in the way of our hanging out.

The other guys started telling me that it was not working and that she had to go, so I had to ask her "nicely" to leave. If you know anything about girlfriends, you know that there's no possible way in hell that you could ask without getting bitched at.

Whatever anyone tells you, there isn't even the slightest possibility that the good will outweigh the bad in this situation. You are better off just keeping BAND and GIRL separate.
#33
If you think you can handle it go ahead but if you dont then dont do it. Dont ask us wether or not you can handle it because we dont know...
#34
lets say u are unhappy with her performance, if you critisize here badly, that affects ur relationship with her. She will get on ur nerves to much and she will be around u more and more and you wont have any peace to ur self. She will change ur ideas about songs and conform them to what she likes. If shes not happy, ur not happy.
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#35
okay, here's the deal. I'm not trying to get her into the band just cuz she's my girlfriend, it's mainly her musical talent. She's a hell of a singer, I've heard her sing many times, and she's a Mennonite (I know that means nothing to you guys, but Mennonites have a reputation for being incredible singers). I think we're both mature and serious enough to separate our band life and relationship life, and I won't let her in until we've taked about all this. I actually haven't aproached the rest of the band with this because I don't see them much in the summer, because we're all really busy. She's not very bitchy at all, and I don't think the other band members will mind, but of course I'll check it out with them first and foremost. Anyway, thanks for all your advice, I'll probably look around a little more for a singer before making a final decision.
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#36
Quote by Spazz128735
I'd say no, it's impossible to keep it buisiness. Practice would become your touch each other time and **** wouldn't work. Just trust me... keep your chicks away from your guy time and vice versa.

amen...either you'll become separated from your girlfriend, or become distant from your bandmates. I personally hate it when my best friend gets all touchy feely with his chic, and totally ignores me, i just want to crack his face.

I know you're not recruiting her because she's your girlfriend, but because she has talent. However, the fact that she IS your girlfriend just complicates thing, and things tend to end up bad. Bands with a girl and a lot of guys, in general, tend to have a lot of internal struggles. In general....not all the time.
Last edited by vanceboy at Jul 16, 2006,
#37
She's just going to Yoko you, man.


And it's easier to replace a guitarist than to replace a singer.
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