#1
This Is Tragedy

this is a little diddy i wrote one night, i probly coulda done better with some creativity issues but w/e i was tired, lol so plz all critz are greatly appeciated. some tips for my songwritting would help too. enjoi

Far away there you go
And there you remain
Come back
I miss you so
You absence gives me pain
When will the time be?
For me and you
I cannot take any more solitude
I miss you

(Chorus)

I miss you
And I love you
You?ll never have to come back if you never start to go
Don?t leave me here alone now it?s so dark and it?s so cold
I miss you
And I love you
You?ll never need to come back if you never start to go

I?ll hand you my heart
But I?ll need it back one day
Like flowers with opposing suns
We get further away
Give me your hand; I?ll never lie to you
I cannot take any more solitude
I miss you

(Chorus)

Oh please
As the sirens pass
Don?t leave me here tonight
Hold on
To my voice
Walk away from the bright
Light shining in you eyes
Come back to my
Arms, Oh God
This is tragedy
Now she?s never coming back
Give me
A cross to bear
If only to bring her back
I cannot take any more solitude
I cannot take this solitude I miss you

(Chorus)
(2nd Chorus)
I miss you
And I love you
Your never coming back now you?re as far as u can go
Even though I?m here alone for you I?ll make it through the cold
I miss you
And I love you
Come show me you?re an angel come show me as I dream
There?ll never be another angel you were the only one for me
#2
Actually, that's pretty creative. I especially like the, "You?ll never need to come back if you never start to go." line. I can't really find a rhythm in the first verse, but I didn't write it. Lol. I honestly cant find a rhyming pattern at all. DONT think that it sucks. It's just not my style. Good job.
#3
well thanks sum41freak when i wrote this i had a specific rhythm in my head, but u kinda gotta know it to make everything fit, thnx for the crit n e way
#4
yes i definitely like this one also. and that one line "You?ll never have to come back if you never start to go" ugh. that line is amazing. your pretty much talented! keep it up!
and your slow shaking fingertips show that you're scared like me so. lets pretend we're alone
#5
"You?ll never have to come back if you never start to go"

I LOVE that line.

And I love how at the end it changes to: "You're never coming back now you?re as far as u can go"

Awesome job. Now hurry up and record this!
#8
Beautiful

thats all i'm gonna say

i'm not gonna bug you to crit my sh**
But it'd be cool if you said a bit