#1
Yeah this is the first song ive ever written so im expecting criticism more than compliments but id be glad for both.

"Do what you like
i left this place long ago
Your constant taunts left me so
My stare shall pierce your skin
Now i know who you are

From this mask i placed on myself
The vision is distorted
I thought you were real
But it turns out you were nothing more than an autumn leaf
Floating throughout my life

I'm lost in my mind
I can't come back anymore
Even if i tried
All you are is a thorn in my side"

OK, this was reposted due to issues with the title.
[The Fear Of Hell Is Hell Itself]

[Most Of Us Hover Dubiously Somewhere Between Mute Rebellion And Prattling Submission]
#2
I think its got some good like lyrics in it like -

I thought you were real
But it turns out you were nothing more than an autumn leaf
Floating throughout my life

Its simple and good..

I kind of understand the song and all but it is only a tad confusing some of the lines.. but ohter than that I think its really good for someones first song.
#3
Thanks.
Can anyone else offer any criticism? It would be much appreciated
[The Fear Of Hell Is Hell Itself]

[Most Of Us Hover Dubiously Somewhere Between Mute Rebellion And Prattling Submission]
#4
What type of music are you putting it too? Maybe It's just because its early but I don't really see any constant rhythm or meter.
#5
Yesh i know, after i looked at it i saw that, but i won't re-edit that side of it. Ive written it and i take all criticism and move to another piece so that i can have a learning experience.
[The Fear Of Hell Is Hell Itself]

[Most Of Us Hover Dubiously Somewhere Between Mute Rebellion And Prattling Submission]