#1
well, my band is working on this new original and im suposed to write the lyrics lol.......... Well, here they are, they sound a but emoish but meh, most metal bands have emoish lyrics. What do you all think? Constructive critisism please! Any advice would be great, thanks. Im 14, so acept the spelling errors n stuff lol . We've already got the rest of the song done so thats why its written in the form of the song, standardish from. Thanks.

Love Is Only Skin Deep

Intro

Verse
Is it some kind of inability?
Why can?t I look past what I see?
I try to deny it, say I don?t care
You can try to hide it, but the shallowness is always there

Broken down, crushed inside
The pain fades but the memory resides
Drained and empty, there?s nothing left to reap
Love is only skin deep

Chorus
The more I think about what you said (what beauty?)
The more I loathe what you have (**** the beauty)
The more I think about what you said (what beauty?)
The more I loathe what you have (**** the beauty)
What you are I?ll never be
Never look at me

Verse
My eyes are bright by my mind is blind
Always looking for what I can?t find
If it?s not my fault it must be the outer shell
You say that it?s not true, but your lying and I can tell

Broken down, crushed inside
The pain fades but the memory resides
Drained and empty, there?s nothing left to reap
Love is only skin deep

Chorus
The more I think about what you said (what beauty?)
The more I loathe what you have (**** the beauty)
The more I think about what you said (what beauty?)
The more I loathe what you have (**** the beauty)
What you are I?ll never be
Never look at me

Bridge
Think what you please
You can?t escape the sin
So get on you knees
?Cause you?re all slaves to the shallowness within

Solo

Chorus
The more I think about what you said (what beauty?)
The more I loathe what you have (**** the beauty)
The more I think about what you said (what beauty?)
The more I loathe what I can never have (what beauty?)
What you are I?ll never be
Never look at me

Outro
#2
This is a really good song I especially like "Broken down, crushed inside
The pain fades but the memory resides
Drained and empty, there?s nothing left to reap
Love is only skin deep" but i dont like how the song ends. The ending is good but could be better.
#4
Quote by hellz
Broken down, crushed inside
The pain fades but the memory resides
Drained and empty, there?s nothing left to reap
Love is only skin deep

i liked this part.it's really nice
but i didn't quite like the bridge...it's just...i dunno.but the rest of the song is prety good...
and is it a heavy metal song?a rock song?a ballad song?just let people know so they can critisize it according to it's gender..
#6
yeah, its a metal song. Keep the input and constructive critisism comming, i need it as its my first song i've written . I'll keep the bridge thing in mind. Thanks a heap and keep on judging! Thanks
#8
Yeah, like the others, the bridge should be your main concern. It may drag though, so hopefully the music keeps it alive. Overall i enjoyed it.
#9
Alright piece. The bridge needs alot of work, and there are quite a few forced rhymes there. Average piece, I think.
#11
what do you think of just changing the bridge to:

"So you?re loved
You?re the good connotation
So you?re touched
You?re just another imitation"

thoughts please? And keep the crit on the whole work coming please! thanks.
#13
I'm not a fan of the topic the song is written about. It's just not very attractive to me, is all. I like some of the imagery and lines used though. I'm not a fan of metal, so that may be coming in to play :0
#16
I think you did a great job. It was a good length and it was good writing keep it up.