#1
Hello everybody... Well this is probably the most literal thing I've written. Wrote it for those annoying teens that think life is hell and all you can do is mope around (im 15)

Here it goes: (be gentle!)

Well she's ever the melancholy teen
Eschews everything that she sees
Euphomisms, what are those?
Misanthropy, a runny nose
She's a unique melancholy teen

Dyes her hair, paints her teeth and her nails
Nasty girl, she blames the boys for her trails
Opposite, no i think not
The synonyms the thing shes got
Just like a pensioner except more frail

She holds the same tact and sense as a goat
Bitch, btich,cry,cry, have another toke
She's completely alone, with all her freinds
But she'd do for you as she would for them
Bitch, some more another cry and a toke

To the normal she doesnt subscribe
And for her this truly seems right
But does she not know
That that's just how it goes
For the others, just flipped on its side
#2
anything....?

wahedit: Don't bump your threads, kid. Next one will get your thread closed and a warning in your Inbox.
#4
i agree. like the rhyme scheme, but it breaks off at points. an btw, i'm 99% sure that toke means to smoke a joint er sumthin o tht sort, at least thats wat it is in nipawin. thanx fer the crit on mine 2.
#5
The rhyme cheme is a lot better than most stuff, just because it's less common, so for that, I give you props.

And yes, teens that are like this are quite annoying, especially when they are in 'groups.

I particularily liked this line:
"She's completely alone, with all her freinds"

It made it sound contradictory, but I like contradiction so I question it not. Good song, and thank you for yelling at these people in a song format instead of just ranting.
#8
its just a drag of whatever you happen to be smoking, crack,herioine, weed, ciggarretes, pole
#9
I like it. Although I felt you could of made it more rythmic by cutting each line in half...
and maybe even posing the first line as a rehtorical question

Well is she ever
The melancholy teen?
Eschews everything
That she sees.


Maybe it's just personal preference...

Overall I liked it. Good work
MMMM Feel the Fuzz.........zz....z