#1
This is a half-arsed attempt at a poem. The lack of a rhyme scheme is intentional so there's no need to flag that particular aspect up. All crits with a link shall be returned.

She stands on the edge of sanity
The waves of euphoria crash at her feet
She feels salvation brush past her
But she doesn?t care
She?s a child of nature
You can?t tell her what to do
She?s independent and free

Lapis lazuli line the path
Shining it?s rich blue in her eyes
But she doesn?t mind
After all, she put them there
In her head of course

Nighttime comes with a whip of her tongue
This gypsy child is all but fun and games
Protecting those who need it most
Against those who delve in dark arts

A lullaby show and she?s almost home
She can see the multitude amass
Precarious on the stepping-stones
Faultless on the ragged path
She defeated insanity
She bathed in euphoria
This dirty, gypsy child
#3
I do think it seemed a bit..... like you had alot of good ideas and lines you wanted to write, and this was the result of alot of them thrown together. By no means is this a bad piece, but it seemed a little vague I think.

Like you said, a half-arsed attempt. If you put yor full weight behind this, I think you could improve this, make it stronger in meaning and tie it all together nicely. Maybe one to come back to in the future.

If you are returning- https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=388413

Many thanks if you get round to it.
#4
I love the first two stanzas, made me think of a primitive girl leaving amongst nature and all that is good. Like the edge of sanity is far away from the modern world, nice.
The 2nd is good too, nice imagery of someone who doesnt care about society and loves to dream the days away.
The 3rd kinda didnt go anywhere to me, didnt really link the last up.
The 4th is a good ending again imagery is nice, and the fact that she is just what she is , a dirty gypsy living her life, and being happy doing so. Nothing bad here, just think a different verse or two in the middle, with more ideas on her simple but nature filled dreamy life would be better.

Still a good tale with a lovely outdoor wish I was there feel.
Cheers Mate.
Hope yopu well
#5
As people said before, very vague, but I get the feeling of a desperate girl and I like that. Sometimes its contradictory and half assed, like you said but otherwise a nice attempt. Work on it and it could be great. The link to my song is in my sig.
ICE
CREAM
IS
GONNA
SAVE
THE
DAY
...AGAIN