#1
this is my newest song. this is my life basicly.if you think of the song "life's been good to me so far" by Joe Walsh, the tune is kinda like that, althogh the lyrics are very different. crit 4 crit.


"i don't get out much"
everybodys got stories to tell
i don't have many at all
all day long
i just play music
yea i got friends
but we don't have much in common
i'm about music
and they're to active

as much as the music will change
i'll always be the same
today i hope it rains
beats the hell out of a sunny day

i don't get out much
i stay inside
leave the lights out
and i live in the dark

i'm so different
from everyone else
some don't understand me
and some could care less

as much as the music will change
i'll always be the same
today i hope it rains
beats the hell out of a sunny day


i don't get out much
i stay inside
leave the lights out
and i live in the dark

this is my life
live it how i want
untill the day i die
~gtrfrk


founder of the dunlop pick fan club


RIP Roger "Syd" Barrett


"Let the good times roll"
#2
as much as the music will change
i'll always be the same
today i hope it rains
beats the hell out of a sunny day

i don't get out much
i stay inside
leave the lights out
and i live in the dark

sounds almost emo, but I guess I'd have to hear it played. the song has a really depressing sound to it, and that made it kinda hard for me to read. those points aside, it's well written and flows nicely. 7/10.
B.C. RICH
#3
wow... to be honest, i hate emo and that was actually worse than emo. stop wining and just get out more. the flow was terrible, i thought- was there a chorus?! oh well... better luck next time....
#4
Thanks for the crit.

This is very much like some thing I wrote

It's a bit bland at times I'm afraid. I think you could improve it by lightening the mood with a few jokes or something. People don't mind you complaining if you can laugh about it.
Also maybe try to find a higher point for the chorus, really show that music makes things better, helps you escape or whatever.

But I do quite like the whole subject of the song (since I did one like it)

Here's mine, just so you can see the similarities. You don't have to bother criting it.

With You I Belong

I don't get out much
I don't spend nights 'on the tiles'
Never hang out with bums

Don't wake up brain-dead
I don't forget where I've been
When Sunday morning comes

No skeletons are
Taking up my wardrobe space
Though my clothes could bore to death

I lack the sparkle
That makes the king of the crowd
Don't joke with every breath

I'm living in a bubble
Got my head in the sand
I'm steering clear of trouble
But my life is so bland

I'd like to take on the town
Trying hard to be bold
But I'll never turn my life 'round
Cos I do what I'm told

Is there a world out there?
(That I can be part of)
For a life without a care
[*clap clap*]
Will someone help me as I can't seem
To find the kind of country that's in my dream

But now that I have found you
(It don't matter where I am)
The perfect life is us two
(Together) [*clap clap*]
The scenery is just fading away
Now it's goooone, and with you I belong

[barely audible solo]

[dodgy out-of-key primadonna oooohs]

[with real feeling this time while trying to stay in time with the basic accompanying chords at weird intervals]
I hope this is what you want
(That is my one concern)
We don't have to live in Nantes
(Wherever)
Pick a place where you can spend happy days
When you go, I'll be sure to follow

[repeat bubble boy and cheesy chorus bits]
[end with some forlorn "I belong"s]
Quote by EirikFtw
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"The True Eccentric Tea Drinking Appreciation Preservation Society"
Founder of the "Marmite: We love it!" Union
translator/ radio-operator of the bass militia
#5
Quote by blazing glory02
wow... to be honest, i hate emo and that was actually worse than emo. stop wining and just get out more. the flow was terrible, i thought- was there a chorus?! oh well... better luck next time....

haha easy now. I was about to berate him, too.... but then I looked at his profile... and saw that he was 12.

yeah, this piece could use some work... but keep writing, dude. you'll only get better.
Banging on a trash can
Drumming on a street light
#6
It's quite dull becuase you've chosen to write it in a story style, so it's not very descritptive.. which is fine, but the story isn't very captivating.
It's a good attempt though, especially if you're twelve! Keep going .