#1
I think alot of writers know how this goes when you are crazy for a girl(or guy if your a girl).. and you end up writing like 10 songs about her. (Theres alot behind this song so.. some of it might not make much sense)
Well this is just one of em that kind of came off the top of my head that, is, obviously not going to be all that great considering I haven't revised anything just spewing lyrics out, unsure of whether or not they'll sound good. I'm guessin this would fit as like a short pop punk love song..maybe? I wasn't even thinking of posting this but, like, what the hell I might as well just see what people think anyways, right?

Verse 1:

Never thought that I was gonna feel this way
Is it a feeling thats here to stay for good?
Cowering before you, as if I was face to face with God.-edited
On the ocean, I'm just a cod, this girl a class-A fishing rod.
Let me, let me show you who I am
Ever will the day come, when we may meld hands.

Chorus:

I love you, no matter what, even when you don't back,
Isn't that enough to make you ignore the qualities that I lack,
And when you slip, I'll prob'ly fall too,
cause I'm way too busy loving you.(ehh I'm really really iffy about these last two lines, any suggestions that would sound and/or fit better are greatly appreciated )

Verse 2:

Now that you know,
I'm never letting go
Cause I would die the minute I you went away
Obsolete am I(spoken right after in the background: "to you at least") , just an average guy(you know you think it) , but I'm deeper than the plastic boys you spy
Lady luck was on my side though, when you gave me your hand, at last at last
Ever more I promise I'll love you, mending a broken past

some sort of bridge would go here:

Chorus:
I love you, no matter what, even when you don't back,
Isn't that enough to make you ignore the qualities that I lack,
And when you slip, I'll prob'ly fall too,
cause I'm way too busy loving you.

another bridge(?)

outro:
way too busy, way too busy, way too busy loving you.


-Okay I know that was real cheesy probably and most likely alot of errors.. but what the hell,

beat it up as much as you like
Last edited by LemonMonkey5 at Jul 7, 2006,
#3
Cowering before you like you were a God.


.....if its a girl its goddess.......idc really im just sayin
#5
thanks for the crit on my song.
I love the chorus, it kicks major ass. the verses aren't bad, but the chorus seems much stronger. 8.5/10.
B.C. RICH