#1
I recently made this song about 2 relationships I've had
1 relationship was in the first and second verses, and 3rd and fourth was another one. I need help with the Chorus badly, I seem to make good verses, but very weak chorus'. Holly is a random girls name instead of making it a real girl, like blink did in a couple songs.


Stations And Forests


i remember sitting in your house
listening to the buzz off the tv
when we were both young and stupid
and where i said wanted more, but you had to disagree

We never had much for going out
to places around this town
just the three now reminders
where we would sit and talk, and where i saw that awfull frown

Won't I try again, since im not one for affection
I cant get up, I guess it's my new trend
pick me up, Like I would for you
this is what it's like, to have the bends

Second should be better
I guess that was a mistake too
I was a pity, or a mask of him
a mask to waste time, since you wanted him, didn't you?

You needed him from the start
I saw it in your eyes that night
that night in the playground
you sparkled in the wetstreet reflection, from the streetlight

Won't I try again, since im not one for affection
I cant get up, I guess it's my new trend
pick me up, Like I would for you
this is what it's like, to have the bends

I need you now, holly
now, Holly
#2
hmm ur right about the chorus but the only problem is (i think) that your words just arn't right, try harder to put some better more descriptive and touching words. . . . and for the verses i'm not shure what rhythm u had in mind but i couldn't find one that first the rhyming sceme the stanza's should have a more rhyming feel. . . unless u want it that way u have it .. . . . . so just look for better words that connect the verses to the main point of the song in the chorus, and make the chorus longer.

over all it's a nice song but it does need some work, hope this has helped. . . . . .now maby u could help me? look for The Gallery critz are needed and appreciated