#1
I've had this song for a while now and i got this far with it the first time i started writing it and then i couldn't come up with anything else at the time so i set it aside until something else hit me to add to it....nothing ever did and its been months. I know its not done and that I need to add more but please just let me know what you think of it so far thank you. (leave your song if you want me to crit it)

Goodbye

(Verse)
I've never been good at saying goodbye
So hop in the car come along for the ride
We'll throw in somethin that we've never heard
But I'll sing to you like I know every word

(Verse)
Now you're ridin shotgun
Slide into bitch
There's a cross on the road
And tracks in the ditch

(Verse)
We've been drivin all day
And it's gettin late
So close your eyes
And I'll take you away
With me....

(Chorus)
Well I just don't wanna turn the bend
Cause I know when I do I'll be losin a friend
And I just dont want this ride to end
Cause I know when it does I'll never see you again


I know that this song is still very much in the works and I'm pretty sure I've got a lot of structure work on it to do and more lyrics to come up with I just don't wanna force anything I guess. Anyways thank you again for the crits. Oh yeah and I know the chorus kinda sucks or whatever, i don't really like it anyways so if you have any ideas feel free.
Last edited by Amped at Jul 8, 2006,
#2
c'mon someone give me something, master kanan or whatever got more than i did and thats just wrong
#3
I dont like it, its not particularly interesting, or rhymithically solid, and it doesnt have that spark of something special.
songs: Left Behind choices
Quote by MadClownDisease
Well I can top you all, I've done my mum, my step brother AND a cat. As well as quite a few corpses.
#7
i dont like the chorus very much but i think the verses are ok... its better than alot of stuff i've read on here...what type of song is it? (rock, metal..etc)

4/10
Member # 5 of Can't we forget about all the subgenres and just ROCK? club

#8
I think it is a good start and with some tweaking it could be great. When i read it I think of the Swing Life Away by Rise Against. Maybe make it acoustic to that kind of style.
#9
yeah it is acoustic and more of a slow pop/rock song...it sounds good with the music but i don't know how to put the actual song on ultimate guitar though...i just gotta figure somethin out with the chorus
#10
I like the first verse and the chorus but I'm not too fond of the other two verses. I don't really get the 2nd verse and to me it seems out of place with your other lyrics. The third verse just has that feeling of, been there done that. Not that it's bad but maybe you could tweak it a little. I also think your chorus, even though it sounds good already, would sound much better if you mix it up a bit with the rhyme. the rhyme seems a bit forced and I think the chorus would benefit with some other rhymes.

Hope that helps.
Please crit my song too:
Sometimes
Who dares wins
====
Some lyrics to look at, any help is appreciated:
Sometimes
#11
yeah ive decided i don't like the chorus all that much and need to change it soon. it definitely needs some tweaking too, thanks for the crit.