#1
hey this is my first song i have wrote and it probably sucks ut i would like some advice or feedback on it thanks

Tommorrow


And i dont think,
I ever was half of what you wanted,
And I don't think this life is real,
Because i can't really feel,

Tomorrow's stuck in the memories,
Of what yesterday used to be,
Can't you see?
What are we really waiting for,
A life of tomorrows filled with reminiscing,
When no one is listening,

Tommorrow's a cliff
Of sorrow and memories
Filled with ****ed up dreams
But I cant Really Feel
#2
I like it a lot! This is really your first song? Wow. I really like the "A life of tomorrows filled with reminiscing" line, and the song's really creative.

As for crit, maybe add a bridge/breakdown verse? Or maybe another verse altogether. If not, it's still a great song.

Keep it up!
#4
For a first it's really not bad. The whole thing does need work, more lines or something. And your chorus could use a better flow, I tried to imagine myself singing your chorus and it just didn't work. Try a better rhyming structure or just give it better structure period.

Thanks for critting A Funeral For Chivalry
Run!
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Simply, the world was too small for a man of his ambition.
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GuitarSymphony you are my hero!
#5
And your chorus could use a better flow, I tried to imagine myself singing your chorus and it just didn't work.


sorry man but i have to disagree with you here. there are endless possibilites as to how a song can be sung.