#1
This is my thrid full song, I hope you like it. Crit4Crit.

Alone on the sideline
Walking not knowing where to go
Mysteries and tragedies
The causes unknown
The sideline; can we cross it
What?s on the other side?
Sucked into a hole,
Just cause no-one knows that you?re alone?

You don?t know where you?re going
Nothing to save you now
Sunken memories fall within
But nothing cries, like the pain inside?

Thoughts from within
It?s not possible to get through today
We're up so high that no-one can see us
Even though were falling from the sky
As we reach the end of the line
We find nothing; but ourselves
Is there a need for anything more?
Let?s hope not, we are nothing but divine.

You don?t know where you?re going
Nothing to save you now
Sunken memories fall within
But nothing cries, like the pain inside?
Quote by Unforgivable
LesPaulMarshalls ace!
Quote by Dudage
LesPaulMarshall, you friggin rock!
Quote by adrian_brown89
It's pretty hard to find someone as hardcore as Tom. The race for hardcore supremacy would be pretty close but i think Tom's got his nose just in front for now...
#2
i really like it

"We're up so high that no-one can see us
Even though we're falling from the sky"

That is a great image ^
Thats great for a 3rd song
#3
Hey thanks man, I actually, for once, like this song lol. The chords are rather minor, but at the end I go major, and it fills the piece up and its really climaxing.

Now I gota record!

Please leave comments people, I really need some criticism, good or bad!
Quote by Unforgivable
LesPaulMarshalls ace!
Quote by Dudage
LesPaulMarshall, you friggin rock!
Quote by adrian_brown89
It's pretty hard to find someone as hardcore as Tom. The race for hardcore supremacy would be pretty close but i think Tom's got his nose just in front for now...
#5
Cheers man, they meaning is just pure expression of how i felt at the time. Girls, life, the world, politics, you get the drift. I think its cool lol
Quote by Unforgivable
LesPaulMarshalls ace!
Quote by Dudage
LesPaulMarshall, you friggin rock!
Quote by adrian_brown89
It's pretty hard to find someone as hardcore as Tom. The race for hardcore supremacy would be pretty close but i think Tom's got his nose just in front for now...
#7
Some of the phrasing seemed a little off balance, like the last verse, but other than that its solid. Thanks for critting my peice
#8
Thanks guys, is there a way I could improve this somehow, im always up for suggestions.

And i think it might need another verse or some kind of breakdown
Quote by Unforgivable
LesPaulMarshalls ace!
Quote by Dudage
LesPaulMarshall, you friggin rock!
Quote by adrian_brown89
It's pretty hard to find someone as hardcore as Tom. The race for hardcore supremacy would be pretty close but i think Tom's got his nose just in front for now...
#9
not bad Tom, now i just needa know how to play it so i can do a metal or screamo version of it...lol

Jk, but i would like to know how to play it, so pm me the chords or tab it out and what not....i didnt know that you wrote either...

keep it up
#10
Hey thanks man, yeah i write lol.

The chords are ****ing crazy, I recorded half of it today at my mates, and it is aweeeesome! He was basically a studio so we got an awesome sound, its not metal its acusticy, but its just laid back nice music lol. I will find out the chords tomrow and post them here!!!
Quote by Unforgivable
LesPaulMarshalls ace!
Quote by Dudage
LesPaulMarshall, you friggin rock!
Quote by adrian_brown89
It's pretty hard to find someone as hardcore as Tom. The race for hardcore supremacy would be pretty close but i think Tom's got his nose just in front for now...