#1
Ok, I haven't finished these, but THESE ARE ALL COPYRIGHT. BY ME. I WILL SUE >:l

Go a little easy on me, I am only 13.

This one is called The Best... here it is so far
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I love it when your mad
But I hate it when your sad
I love it when your happy
I hate it when your lifes crappy

And sometimes I wish, I was a magician
And I could make everything better, all the sin
And sometimes I hope, that I can share the good times
And we can sit, making riddles and rhymes

So make me a rainbow of carousels and fairy lights,
That light up the darkest of nights
Make me a river full of fairy floss
Trees littered with apples covered in lip gloss
Cherries litter the sidewalk in the deepest red
A smile and a story before we go to bed
Make me a day that?s brighter than the rest
Because you make my days the best

I love it when you smile
I hate it when you're withered for a while
I love it when you play games
I hate it when you don?t dance in the rain

And sometimes I wish, I was a president
And I could tell people what all the lies really meant
And sometimes I wonder, if it'll ever be the same
Like it was, when we first told each other our name

So make me a rainbow of carousels and fairy lights,
That light up the darkest of nights
Make me a river full of fairy floss
Trees littered with apples covered in lip gloss
Cherries litter the sidewalk in the deepest red
A smile and a story before we go to bed
Make me a day that?s brighter than the rest
Because you make my days the best
--------------------------------------------------------
This is Make it... Not one of my best... not yet anyway
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Im a little off key
Im a little rusty
Im never as good as others

I sing for a while
Sound like a child
Spose its what I am

Im underestimated
Coz ive never dated
But I don?t really care

Im as much a part of this world
As any one of them

So let me be the best I can be
Doing what I love
Don?t ever critisize me
For notes way above
I may not be as good as them yet
But what do you reckon, about a year or two wanna bet?
Coz I know that one day
I'll have made it all the way
Coz I know that Im great
And I can make it, you bet mate
--------------------------------------------------
Here's a bit of one called Get Over It
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You speak of love? so carelessly
You never know, how much each example is hurting me
You say you thought you were in love
Love that came from heaven above
You said that it all went to hell
But you don?t want to tell

Why can?t you love me like you love her?
Why can?t you tell me the things you tell her?
Why do I feel abandoned? Cast away from you?
Why do I feel that I?ll never get over you
-----------------------------------------------
This one is finished, It's called Everything I do - and it doesn't sound anything like that other dudes one... the everything i do i do it for you one.... mines completely different I hadn't even heard of the other dudes except for that line lol
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Everything I try to say to you just seems to come out all wrong
It sounds fake everytime I try to write about you in a song
Coz when I do, Im scared that you, might have known all along
That everything I do, I do it for you

La la la, la la la la, la, la la la la la la laaaa?.

I know you better than you know yourself
And I even know you better than I know myself
Coz everytime I put the rusty key to my heart on your shelf
It just gets dusty and sold in your garage sales

Everything I try to say to you just seems to come out all wrong
It sounds fake everytime I try to write about you in a song
Coz when I do, Im scared that you, might have known all along
That everything I do, I do it for you

And everytime I sit down with my pen
Trying to write what?s sitting in my head while sitting in the den
I seem to write some meaningless words, sometimes ten
But they just look like a jumble, compared to you

Everything I try to say to you just seems to come out all wrong
It sounds fake everytime I try to write about you in a song
Coz when I do, Im scared that you, might have known all along
That everything I do, I do it for you

And knowing that even though im such a broken piece of glass
That could hurt you again, you don?t just pass
You listen to me, listen to what I have to say, no matter how crass
You know that we won?t judge each other

Everything I try to say to you just seems to come out all wrong
It sounds fake everytime I try to write about you in a song
Coz when I do, Im scared that you, might have known all along
That everything I do, I do it for you

Everything I say, everything I sing,
Everything I do, every little thing,
Every little phone call, every little ring
I do it for you
--------------------------------

So yeah, thoughts, comments?

Merry

xxo
six feet under the stars (L)
#2
Nice dude, you got a bit of talent there! I like your style

My New Piece Crit 4 Crit
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It's pretty hard to find someone as hardcore as Tom. The race for hardcore supremacy would be pretty close but i think Tom's got his nose just in front for now...
Last edited by lespaulmarshall at Jul 9, 2006,
#3
some of the rhymes are a bit forced. and the lines "Im a little off key
Im a little rusty
Im never as good as others" from your song "Make It" just don't sound right. you've got a few lines like that in your songs, and that makes them hard to read and irritating. if you work on them, these songs could be really good, but you have some serious work to do before that can happen.
B.C. RICH
#6
AABB rhyming is truly evil in 99% of cases, dont use it unless for specific purpose, otherwise it just makes you work horribly childish. firstly read the FAQ but whatever:

first 1 is terrible, it just sounds bad and corny

second is better but still a bit cliched

third is ok, but nothing really there to grab hold of

fourth is good, has a decent meaning which alot of people can probably relate too, but your rhymescheme just ruins it. If you really want to go for a rhyme scheme, go for atleast somat like ABAC or ABCB. and my advice would be to not use 1 at all, or use something really obscure so noone quite notices, Like ABABB or ABCBA
songs: Left Behind choices
Quote by MadClownDisease
Well I can top you all, I've done my mum, my step brother AND a cat. As well as quite a few corpses.
#7
You don't need to worry about anyone stealing them. You posted them, you have the date online. They'll be fine even if someone did steal them, it's apparent without the "ITS COPYWRITE ME, I'll SUE!" because, that's just bad grammar.

Anyway, read the rules and FAQs, then do things right.

LOCKAGE!(Mascot, Alice, Where are you?)
#8
Thank you for all the comments, and sorry for posting too many songs than allowed.

I am only 13 and these aren't my best songs, but I've been trying. Also, I prefer to just sing rather than concentrate on writing styles/rhyming styles - yes i know about them but when a song comes into my head I have to write it down, even if the structures terrible.

Also, the only problem with Ultimate-Guitar is that I can't post me singing them, so hopefully I will put them on youtube or something and link them from here.


Merry

xoxo
six feet under the stars (L)