#1
Something gives.
A calm sleight of hand
A quiver in a heaving mass of muscle
The missed heartbeat of a lie
The lump in throat of ?never-say die?.

Something gives.
A hand around oft-emptied glass
The brushing past of shoulder
The cavern of your thudding chest
The pretence of never learning.

Someone sings.
A shrill, resounding note
Somehow stuck-in-throat
The acerbic smatter of applause
Two fucks for a good cause.

Someone sins.
Our hearts to arms they cling
The state we moan we?re in
And stubborn hearts, like stubborn stains
Leave stubborn marks that never fade.

Something gives.
In the hand on a shoulder
The shaking of a head
The shutter stops clicking.
The name ?bastard? is screamed.

And all heads turn round.
"You can never quarantine the past."
#3
Thank you. I wasn't sure it lived up to the first, but I'm glad you did.
"You can never quarantine the past."
#5
Nicely done big fella...I liked both of them, they actually kick ass. I think in places you just go into that annoying present tense-type poetry, which you actually do well, but it still bugs me...you know, when you are sort of listing events and things...it's alright though in this piece because you did it well. But normally that pisses me off.

Sorry I got nothing to suggest for this. I really liked it though, both of them, good reading. Please look at mine if you want,
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=390146
Thanks.
#7
ah, another great one. . . . .very very good. . . i love the provocativeness of all of these. . deffinatly sparks my interest and no doubt the intresests' of others. . . .however i'm not shure it did live up to the first. . . it came close. . but i think the first is always one to aim to beat but, it was quite a work of art. . . . . the lines "And stubborn hearts, like stubborn stains Leave stubborn marks that never fade." DAMN this line is amazing it flows so well and has so much truth within it. . . . i love it and i love you others. . . . but once again i appologize a cannot be of help, for ur writing is way above mine. . . . . .please help me tho, to improve. . . look for my other work under my user names crits are lovely but Tips are what i'm after. . . . . .amazing job man