#1
-Forgotten' Shadow-

I stare at the night sky,
through my bedroom window.
I say my last goodbye
and become a forgotten shadow.

Will you forget me,
when I am long gone.
Or will you be on your knees,
grieving the loss of a loved one.

Dont lose our memorys my friend,
I will still be here.
I just wanted this pain to end,
and my life to disapear.

I am not alone,
for there are so many.
So many out there,
living in an endless despair.

Mourning the loss of a loved one,
may last endless years.
But your life has only begun,
and shall face many more tears [fears] (which everone sounds better).

So I stare at the night sky,
through my bedroom window,
I say my last goodbye
and become a forgotten' shadow.


Please critisize this.
Last edited by hourglass666 at Jul 10, 2006,
#2
I stare at the night sky,
through my bedroom window.
I say my last goodbye
and become a forgotten shadow.


kinda boring to me, i dunno, just didnt make me feel like i need to read the rest.

Will you forget me,
when I am long gone.
Or will you be on your knees,
grieving the loss of a loved one.


you asked a question alot would wonder about, but again, its a little boring to me.

Dont lose our memorys my friend,
I will still be here.
I just wanted this pain to end,
and my life to disapear.


i like this part.

I am not alone,
for there are so many.
So many out there,
living in an endless despair.


i dont like this part. its just so boring..

Mourning the loss of a loved one,
may last endless years.
But your life has only begun,
and shall face many more tears [fears] (which everone sounds better).


i like this apart from the last line... sound awkward when i read it to myself. like theres not enough to it.

So I stare at the night sky,
through my bedroom window,
I say my last goodbye
and become a forgotten' shadow.


on the whole, i think its OK. i dont like how boring it is, but you bring up some true to life feelings in there. 5/10.
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