#1
i wrote this song for my girlfriend and im not to sure on a title yet. any criticism is welcome and help on a title. crit for crit.

can you remember all the times,
all the times we laughed and cried,
al the times we worked and tried,
but it wasnt good enough
can you remember all the times
all the times ive said it
each time i meant it
i love you

we're miles and miles and miles apart
ive got lots to say, dont know where to start
i tried to put it into words for you
but so many words just wont do
and when i get back we'll paint over these memories
until they disappear
until they disappear

you called me just the other day,
you told me how you were
and you knew just what to say
just what to say just what to say

youre the world the world the world
youre the world to me
the world to me.
#2
Sounds good dude but i have some suggestions"Until they dissapear, even when your not here" And "You knew just what to say, but you said it in all the wrongs ways" and with the lyrics it sounds like it might be played an acoustic. Its still good
#5
yeah..."story of supposed love"

and a whole bunch that are way back in the pages

"Four Quarters" "Confused"
ok, yeah. my name is silly because I signed up when I was 13.

BEDBUGS
#6
Quote by zach28
yeah, its on acoustic. thanks. do you 2 have any songs?


Not yet but i will post a thread of a song i have been working on so i will let you know I like the lyrics to yer song its excellent
Last edited by INNOCENT VICTIM at Jul 11, 2006,
#7
Thought it was really done. Seems to flow really well and none of it seems forced or contrived. I think alot of times when people write they try too hard and things come out forced... I didn't get that at all from this though. I also really liked the "painting over memories" part. Nicely done, what kind of music would you be putting with this???
#8
I like it overall. I feel it's a bit repetitive (so many good songs have lots of repetition, but I'm just not a fan of over and over again stuff all the time). So basically, to see if it would go well with the repetition would be to stick it with music.
#9
^agreed
the word "times" is used a little too often in the first verse
but i do like the emphasis on "we're miles and miles and miles apart"
#11
i like it. maybe the title could be "The World To Me". just a thought. keep up the good work dude i like the song.