#1
ok well, its been a while, dont know what happened to my old account, but the last poem i posted, was shattered porcelain mannequin,

This Porcelain Mannequin,
that lays on my shoulders,
I must give comfort,
before I need to mend,

shattered again,
i get the glue marked "amor"
and mend it together,

if the glue doesn't dry,
and needs my support,
then I'll never say goodbye,
and mend it forever

i wrote that about a year ago, Tears in the Sky, was written id say, 5 or 6 months ago, so tell me watcha think, if i've gotten better, withing those 6 months, then ill post something a little more recent

Tears in the Sky

September rain,
fall from the sky,

burn my pain away,
make the clouds cry,

tears from heaven,
clear the sins,
clean my troubles,
once again, I begin,

from the mountains,
Ill stare at waterfalls,
an angel's shower,
will hear my call,

this world is decaying,
from same differences,
and wise mute sayings,

I've burned in water,
and drowned in fire,
I've fallen into whirlwinds,
and been blown by quakes,

the tears in the sky,
held in pastry cages,
holds the white out,
on my lifes ruined pages
#2
i like it
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half devil
#3
I thought it was %100 better than the first one. So there's your answer on if you have gotten better. Just didn't think the first one was telling me a whole lot. But i really liked tears in the sky. As with every thing it could maybe do with a little work. Mostly the part that goes "the world is decaying, from same differences, and wise mute sayings". The rest seemed to flow on well and was very good.
#4
Quote by brasco
I thought it was %100 better than the first one. So there's your answer on if you have gotten better. Just didn't think the first one was telling me a whole lot. But i really liked tears in the sky. As with every thing it could maybe do with a little work. Mostly the part that goes "the world is decaying, from same differences, and wise mute sayings". The rest seemed to flow on well and was very good.


thx, yea when i wrote it, i knew that part didnt go in to well, but it's what came out first, and i never re-write anything, or think it, i think with my pencil on the paper, and that become's my brain, and the first one had meaning to it, i just didnt know how to express it, its when i first started writing last summer, started on july 3rd, 2005, and I was 14 then, ill post a new one shortly