#1
i am not really sure about a title, but i find this rather funny, it isnt about any story of mine, or even someone i know, i just kinda made it up. so anyway let me know what you think. thanks


How ?bout a romantic candle light dinner,
A walk at a park, or a stroll by the beach?
Somethings gotta give, somethings gotta break
Either you and me or your neck isn?t on straight.

With a constant stream of happiness
It?s no wonder I am stuck here with you
You?re all I want, my love, don?t forget that

How ?bout a day traveling the back roads
A landmark to see or we?ll be history
Somethings gotta give, somethings gotta break
Either you and me or your neck isn?t on straight.

With a constant stream of happiness
It?s no wonder I am stuck here with you
You?re all I want, my love, don?t forget that

How ?bout a day at my place, a time to relax
A movie, a snack, our feelings don?t lack
Somethings gotta give, somethings gotta break
Either you and me or your peg isn?t on straight.

With a constant stream of happiness
It?s no wonder I am stuck here with you
You?re all I want, my love, don?t forget that

But she soon forgot that my love was there
Our time together soon was dividend apart
Something finally gave, and snapped
Now look where I am at

With a constant stream of loneliness
It?s no wonder I am stuck here with you
You?re all I want, my love, my life, my strat

stephen
#2
It's pretty good overall, I like the way it seems that you are talking to the reader(listener, etc.). One thing though, it seems that you might want to change the verse from "How 'bout..."
just for a little variety. Will you crit mine? It's called "No Problem Brother".
#3
Is this a song about two people starting a relationship and in the end one was more keen than the other. She ended the relationship and he is still into her. If it is then it was ok because I could see what you were getting at. Their was some good ideas in there but i think it needs some more work. But it does have potential. I think the title "you're all I want" suits the song.
#4
it was a song about a realationship ending because he loved his guitar more, but i have major edit i am about to repost in a new thread called the same title
#5
hmmm.....since its not your story or nuffin....it kinda lacks emotion and doesnt have a very good feel....but it could be a good song...
keep on writing, reading, and rocking
UG's HIPPIE