#1
This is the final part of the three poems. There is a story running throughout.

Thump. Like his mother?s headboard thumping dryly against the weathered plaster.
Thump. I?m sodden with the last of the best wine, and I lay flat out, as he circles as he always did, leering, drooling, and prowling the dank cage before he clawed at flesh.

As you can gather, this is a poet?s way of saying that he?s a fucking animal.

Yet some fucker held a mirror up.

Thump. Like the dull, dry thud of his mother?s headboard again worn plaster wall.
Thump. Two become one, indistinguishable, tangled in a net of lust, passion, and we are. Like I always wanted us to be: the wet slapping of flesh on flesh, the passion, a feverish look in both our eyes.

I smashed his fucking head against the kerb and she screamed because he couldn?t.

Yeah, some fucker held a mirror up.
"You can never quarantine the past."
#2
Thump. Like his mother?s headboard thumping dryly against the weathered plaster.
Thump. I?m sodden with the last of the best wine, and I lay flat out, as he circles as he always did, leering, drooling, and prowling the dank cage before he clawed at flesh.
(this is great imagery, and you also manage to do a good job of using sounds to creat images, with the thump in particular...nice use of the word dank as well, seeing as i personally love whenever a writer uses a word that isnt too much seen in the average poets lexicon)

As you can gather, this is a poet?s way of saying that he?s a ****ing animal.
(this is good, very simple and adds a bit of humor to the piece, i like it)

Yet some ****er held a mirror up.
(again, blatant and obvious...youve worked that well thus far)

Thump. Like the dull, dry thud of his mother?s headboard again worn plaster wall.
Thump. Two become one, indistinguishable, tangled in a net of lust, passion, and we are. Like I always wanted us to be: the wet slapping of flesh on flesh, the passion, a feverish look in both our eyes.
(this is hot man...wow..lol, good imagery again...a unique scene has been created in my mind)

I smashed his ****ing head against the kerb and she screamed because he couldn?t.
(he couldnt do what? smash his head against the curb..my only problem with this piece thus far in the sense that htis part is a tad confusing)

Yeah, some ****er held a mirror up.
(hmmm interesting, it makes me think and gives a good image, i might spend more time on the pushing into the curb, which, btw, i believe is spelled c-u-r-b, but as you said before, you like clean short lines where as i like going all over the place, good work)
#3
Thank you. This piece will make infinetely more sense when you read the two preceeding it. Kerb is the English spelling, and I'm English, so...
The bit 'because he couldn't' means that she screams because he can't scream, read the first two.
Thanks again, I'd appreciate some sorta crit on the 2nd as it has received no attention, will return any crits.
"You can never quarantine the past."
#4
well i red the first one, and i also red Poetic Poetic Poetic, and now i am most deffinatly going to read the 2nd part, i still say your writing is amazing these poems are quite the story on their own, i reele admire the fact that u can be so descriptive and tell such a story in such a small amount of lines. . . . i'd love to try and help u out but i am afraid i am the lesser of the 2 when it comes to the writing of me and you. . . . sry this was of no help. . . .but maby u could help me? plz crit Under The Rain. . . . .and i'll be shure to look at A Bastard and A Poet prt 2.
#5
Thank you, I must say it is great to be complimented in such a way and I very much appreciate it.
I will certainly take a look at your piece, and will do as soon as possible. Currently writing a novella, just need to finish the bit I'm on.
"You can never quarantine the past."
#6
lol any less would be an insult to such brilliant work. . . and thank you for taking a look at my peice. . . .cnt wait to read your next
#8
I love how each of your pieces grow in intensity and vulgarity, it is nice to see someone who has such an elegant way of describing a both a passionate and dark scene. And of course as the norm with your pieces, you have great vocabulary skills and choose your words very wisely. Good work. Crit mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=392781 "Unwanted Autobiography"
#10
yeah this was cool i liked it, i didnt get to read the first two parts, but this independently is good,

hey if you can please crit back, Found Myself is my latest, in my sig