#1
Dragging her down, the broken tipped pencil
Knowing she had no message for me
Nothing to add to the blankness of it all
Only another hopeless soul lost at sea

Bleak future sittin' like the sun on the horizon
No dreams of a future better than today
Ammounting to nothing at the end of the day

it's a start i dont know about the second part so much the first part was gonna be the chorus but i dont know? thanks
#2
sounds okay, I think, but the music and rhythm will change how it comes across more than anything.

I'm probably the worst person on these topics, because I think most poetry is akin to masturbation onto paper. Anyone who can rhyme to words is a 'poet'. ptschh.

Anyhow, keep it up all the same, as long as the words mean something to you and you have a connection with it, it will be the best you can produce.
Absinthe maketh the heart grow fonder