#1
I just finished this. It is pretty physcadellic, musically. It might be difficult to imagine (I don't know) but try to think of Black Sabbath mixed with a little bit of the White Stripes, but slowed down to a Pink Floyd-like speed. That's basically what the music sounds like. Anyway, here it is. Crit for crit:

Island on the Moon

Long ago, in another time
I sailed my ship up through the sky
Above the clouds and stratosphere
Up to where the air is clear

I circle ?round the world
To my island on the moon

Hoist the main sail, raise the colours
Chart the course like a cosmic sailor
Sailing through both time and space
Headed for a unknown place

I journey far among the stars
To my island on the moon

I don?t know what lead me to this place
In total seclusion from the human race
But I know that I am so tired
So sick of lies and sick of liars

I wonder at what I do not see
From my island on the moon
I consider my humanity
From my island on the moon

From my island on the moon
Dem Dry Bones
Current read: I Am America (And You Can Too) (Stephen Colbert)
Album of the Week: Four Thieves Gone (The Avett Brothers)
Last edited by doctor_rocker at Jul 11, 2006,
#3
^ Sorry, man. I don't have it recorded at all. It's mostly just a simple chord progession like from War Pigs or Paranoid, with a splash of White Stripes rhythm, but its all a lot slower.

Anyway, I'd appreciate crits on the lyrics, coz that's what the thread's kind of for...
Dem Dry Bones
Current read: I Am America (And You Can Too) (Stephen Colbert)
Album of the Week: Four Thieves Gone (The Avett Brothers)
#4
It is fine bud, the lyrics are pretty plain but that aint a bad thing, cause they do what you want them to. I like the idea aswell, getting away from it all and all that jazz.
Its not a master piece but is fine as it is, as you stick to the theme and take your reader on a nice little journey.
I'm no scientist but is there any air above the stratosphere.
and on your 3rd verse you need to put know after don't on first line.

Nice little piece mate
Cheers

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=392016
Last edited by Glenn James at Jul 11, 2006,
#5
^ thanks, man. I'll be sure to get to yours soon.

And, I'm not sure if there is air above the stratosphere, either, but I don't care either way .
Dem Dry Bones
Current read: I Am America (And You Can Too) (Stephen Colbert)
Album of the Week: Four Thieves Gone (The Avett Brothers)
#6
No. There is no air above the stratosphere, but when you say that there is in your song, you could think of it as a metaphor. Air is what keeps us alive, right? Well, cause you're escaping to space, this "air" thats up in space, is what you could call solitude. The only way you'll survive now is if you're on your own, away from the liars. Poorly explained, but I know what I mean. <.<
Besides that though, this is stoner music. I dont care what anyone says, this is the kind of thing people would listen to whilst smoking weed. It would trigger one crazy trip. And for that, you have my respect.
Lol, but seriously though, you can say that the lyrics are plain, but words can be looked at in so many different ways that there really is no such thing as "plain" in the songwriting world.
#7
Thanks man. And I guess what you meant on the metaphor is right, since I originally wrote it as atmosphere in general, but thought that Stratosphere sounds better. I did intend it to mean like, where you can't survive (I think that when you're as high up as the stratosphere, you couldn't live anyway, not to mention past it. Blood boiling from the pressure and not enough oxygen and all that stuff).
Dem Dry Bones
Current read: I Am America (And You Can Too) (Stephen Colbert)
Album of the Week: Four Thieves Gone (The Avett Brothers)