#1
havent been in here in quite a while, like since early 2004... enough reminiscing on my part, ill get to the point. its about 3 am, and i just came up with this little poem thing. not great, but im kinda liking it, then again its 3 am so i could be delirious. basicly its just a short little poem, doesnt rhyme, no strict meter or anything, but i feel it has a good flow and some potential. im rambling, so here we go:

Candle Wax

Candle stands, smooth and tall
White wick, perfect shape
Flickering flame brings light
With light, a brief hope

Hope fades as the candle burns
Slowly sinking as wax melts
Drops run like tears on a face
Forever frozen in memory
As the light sinks, they too fade
Only to fall once again, running
Forever from the light of hope

No more tall, or even smooth
Charred wick, black and old
Flame still shines on bright
Holding out, within the dark

Wind blows, no more light
No more searing flame
The candle is saved for now
But what is the cost, I ask
Without light, without hope
The darkness closes in
And the candle burns no more

and there you have it, my 3 am ramblings. let me know what you think, if you have any suggestions or questions feel free to post away. ill return the favor obviously
#3
For the most part, it sounds great. I especially liked the second stanza with the metaphor of burning wax and tears. I also like the parallelism between the first and second half. Keep up the good work!
#4
1) Actually, the first thing I've noticed is something that needs to be smoothed out, because it's got an affect on the piece that's making the flow awkward and verbs dull. Check your syntax. With little variation, almost every new sentence in the stanzas begins with a noun immediately followed by a present tense, active, indicative verb (third person, naturally). This sort of repetition, I imagine, is from lack of sleep, though.

2) Diction needs to be worked on. I'm going to, again, blame this on lack of sleep, because I do it too sometimes when I'm up late writing. Too many of the same nouns reappearing in the piece. Give me some adjectives. Make the verbs exciting. Ultimately, the tone is suffering, because the diction is rather bland.

3) Imagery needs to be sharper. I'm getting plenty of images I could expect to see in a poem featuring a candle. Give me something both imaginative and evocative - I want to see something different, and I want to be sure that I can really see it, clearly, through the language.

3b) I thought the lack of an article on the first "Candle" was interesting - perhaps, the candle could become a bona fide character, with personality and personification breathing life into the every image.

4) Switch up your paralleled candle stanzas. Part A should say one thing, Part B should relate to Part A, but take on a life of its own - pervert, maybe, one or two of the same images, but make sure that you've really twisted the whole section into a valuable addition, not just a darkened reiteration.
#5
Despite not rhyming, it flowed very well. Nice use of allusion in the poem. Looks like 3 am is your time to think of poetry. Anyways, thanks for the crit you gave me.